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A pretty good explanation, to tell the truth, I have similar thoughts sometimes when I go to bed I realize that I am a slave to life and even my freedom is not freedom at all and as long as I live I will not see happiness.
Sometimes death seems like the only salvation, as if life is a curse and the desire to live is shackles.
Dude, don't lean into the ideas that bring you despair, that's too easy... Look arround, some people shared good advice here. You clearly want human connection, life is bleak but there's good things and people out there. Not gonna be easy, but start working towards it, on yourself and on your outlook on life.