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@Old_Dread_Knight@lemmy.world @asklemmy@lemmy.world
"Is it possible to find a friend or partner..." No. And the explanation is simple: it's not possible to find what doesn't exist, and friendships and romances don't exist.
They're two of the ultimate mundane illusions. Lies engineered to keep the horse chasing the carrot hanging from its own head. And even if the horse wakes up to the realization that the carrot isn't even real (it's just a trick from its head), it can't simply stop, because it got an indifferent limbic system, a biologically pre-programmed set of instructions compelling the horse to continue the pointless chasing.
Even when (if) Sisyphus come to the realization that the boulder inexorably rolls down and trying to roll it up is pointless, Sisyphus will continue rolling it up because it's the only thing his gray matter knows, just lies and illusions: the illusion that he, the boulder and the hill somehow "exist" in some kind of "existence", and the lie that there's some kind of global maxima, the lie that enough pushing-the-boulder-up will eventually meet the desired equilibrium, some stasis.
And even if there were any existence and there were any "up there" at the hill he was compelled to be, even if he reached the top of the hill, what then? Will Sisyphus pat himself on his own back, congratulating and praising himself for getting the boulder to roll all the way to the top? Maybe there are other Sisypha up there who'll give him a medal or something...
And the medal will inexorably oxidize and rust, their bodies will eventually decay and the boulder will crumble into dust due to the weather elements... And the hill will undergo erosion, thus making (what's left of) the boulder to roll downhill, alongside the fossilized skull and bones from all the Sisypha up there.
And no one will remember them because there'll be no one existing to remember what supposedly existed: not even the hill or the Pale Blue Dot where the hill once was, a planet long since engulfed by a giant red Sun, which in turn ended up obliterated during a collision with former rogue stars from what used to be Andromeda galaxy merging with what used to be the Milky Way galaxy: used to be because, now, every quantum particle is ripped apart due to how the fabric of spacetime continuum is now infinitely stretched, the Big Rip.
And, if we consider that the Sisyphean boulder got equilibrium, it means that all energetic transformations across the cosmos also have their point of equilibrium, and this means that there's now this cosmic stasis where no energetic transformation happens anymore, the Big Freeze.
In the end, the existent aspect of things, if any, is this: they're lies, it's all illusory. There's nothing, not even the nothingness. It's just illusory electric signals processed by the illusory brain.
A pretty good explanation, to tell the truth, I have similar thoughts sometimes when I go to bed I realize that I am a slave to life and even my freedom is not freedom at all and as long as I live I will not see happiness.
Sometimes death seems like the only salvation, as if life is a curse and the desire to live is shackles.
Dude, don't lean into the ideas that bring you despair, that's too easy... Look arround, some people shared good advice here. You clearly want human connection, life is bleak but there's good things and people out there. Not gonna be easy, but start working towards it, on yourself and on your outlook on life.