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176

Please help me under stand my spouse's gift and their hurt (lemmy.zip)

submitted 3 days ago by GrayBackgroundMusic@lemmy.zip to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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For my birthday, my spouse got me a nicer newer expensive version of a thing I already have. The one I have is older and dented but works just fine. I use it weekly. I never complain about it. I've never asked for a newer one. The one I have was given to me by my mother in law, whom I adore. It's sentimental.

I don't like new things. When they got me a 3d printer, it was the cheapest one and it was a kit and I had to build myself. I loved it. It's perfect for me. I regularly buy things used or get things from Buy Nothing groups. I much prefer to repair old things in many ways. My car has over 100k miles. The one before did too. I don't like new things.

We got into a huge argument because I want to return it. They are so upset with me that they left the house to calm down. Why am I the bad person? Why are they mad at me? I have a very clear tendency for old broken used things. Why am I obligated to like this new thing?

We literally established a rule early in our marriage. I'm not allowed to gift nerdy t shirts. They don't like them. I love them. I thought they would like them but they do not. So they asked me to stop. This feels the same. I do not like new things. Why am I the bad guy for wanting to return the newer version of the thing I already have?

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[–] AdolfSchmitler@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago

If you made it clear you do not like new things I don't know why your spouse thought this would be different. And then on top of it to need to leave the house to cool off (which that itself is fine, but feeling so strongly about it isn't imo) something feels off.

If I knew my partner didn't like new stuff, and I got her new stuff anyway, I wouldn't take it personally and get very upset about it. Did you talk to your spouse about it yet? Clearly there's a disconnect somewhere but you did nothing wrong by saying you want to return it. Hell, it's not like you returned it already and used that money to buy something else. Or pretended to like it but return it in secret. You're being very open and honest and communicative about your feelings which is good.

Idk, feels like a pretty big overreaction on your spouses part that warrants a conversation.