I hope this is okay to post here. My (F) relationship with my wife (F) is wonderful except for household issues. The thing I want to talk/vent about here is me trying to cook meals for the past two years while navigating our incompatible palates.
I gave up being a vegetarian when I moved in with her, because she doesn't like most vegetables or any mock meats, so chicken unlocked a rare protein that we agree on beyond just eating bean burritos every day. She doesn't eat as much beef as she used to, so I wasn't the only person who gave things up.
She would probably be happy eating scrambled eggs without any sides or fast food for dinner every day, and I need something more nutritionally balanced to feel nourished. So I'm the one who cooks every day.
We've tried compromising every which way, coming up with new meal plans, researching recipes for hours, and I feel like I've made hundreds of meals she's disliked. It feels like she only likes my cooking when it's unhealthy and lacks vegetables, which is great sometimes, but not every day. It's really gotten to me, and I've lost my love of cooking and my self-confidence in the kitchen. Most of all, I'm extremely stressed out about dinner every night.
We're at the point where we're talking about making our own meals, other than a few of my less-than-healthy comfort food recipes she likes. It's probably the most harmonious way to live, but the idea has me feeling really sad because cooking for others is a love language, and I learned to do this in the first place because I always dreamed of cooking for whoever I ended up marrying.
TL;DR My wife and I can't agree on meals we both like. I do all the cooking in the relationship, but now we're talking about making separate dinners. This is painful because cooking for others is a love language and I feel like I've failed.
Update: I really appreciate all the kind words and advice. I definitely don't plan to make it a habit to use this community as a space to vent, but you're all wonderful and I appreciate you. 😃
Oki first of all, it must be so difficult to put so much love and care into, not only finding recipes that work but also cooking them. Only for them to be disliked. Even if you love cooking it. I imagine it also sinks in some sense of fear(?) if the next meal would be good enough. That must be tiresome 💔 The fact that you’re making such an effort by itself is amazing ⭐ Aside from that, you also made a huge concession by switching from being vegetarian(!!)
I know it feels like you failed, but please allow me to share a different perspective
It sounds like she has different dietary habits. That’s okay. What’s not okay is if it affects your health. Vegetables, in my opinion, are just less tasty than anything else. But I also know it’s necessary for my body to function well. If you are not raised that way it might feel different or it might carry a connotation.
On the topic of love languages, you are cooking meals and researching recipes. That’s also showing love 💖
Oh and, my stepdad also hates vegetables. I believe he takes supplements to make up for the lack of nutrients. My mum often keeps the veggies apart so she can eat them and he can too if he wants. It is highly likely nothing personal to you or you cooking skills.
I hope you can find a way that puts less pressure on you 🩷