Hey all,
I don't know what to do, and need some advice.
Today I received the information that my father was moved to the palliative ward. He was in the hospital since a few days.
He had lung cancer, and lost half of his lung, now the tumor is back and restricting the remaining half.
He is dying. The doctors don't know when, and if there are days weeks or months left. Nothing to do but to make hin as comfortable and pain free as possible.
I want to visit him badly. But I am panicking already just thinking about what to say or what to do. I could call him but me, taking on the phone..., and the main issue remains, what should I say?
I am bad at social interaction, yeah. I live with that. But this situation is wo much worse I ever could imagine.
I love my dad. He is one of the most important persons in my life. Loosing him will of course be painful, but being in a situation where I can get the call every day, every minute ...
I am not able to work, think, sleep or be around other people very long.
Does anybody here have some advice?
UPDATE1:
Thank you all so much for your feedback!
TLDR: I organized a visit tomorrow, and made sure i will go through.
First, i want to clarify my issue, as yesterday i was rather vague: This is not a question about "to go or not to go". I am experiencing meltdowns on the pure thought of "what happens during the visit". I just lock up. That is nothing rationale. I have to overcome those meltdowns - and that is why i am asking for advice.
Your feedback helped a lot during this process. While i am still not at a point, where i don't freeze, not doing so would for sure not come to any good.
I asked my spouse to go with me tomorrow. She will make sure that i will go through. Also, i don't have to worry about medication to much ( I get medical cannabis), as she will drive me home if needed.
Again, thank you all! And every feedback is still welcome, it really really helps!
I just lost my dad to cancer at the end of August. My last conversation with him, I asked him questions along the lines of "Are you in pain? Are you scared? What is worrying you the most right now?" My dad was very resilient to the end. He assured me he was in no pain and was unafraid, that he mostly felt very tired. His biggest worry was that my mother would stop eating and I had promised him to make sure she eats and is taken care of. He seemed much more relieved by that news than anything else. He then started talking mostly on his own, he reminisced about the life he lived, regrets he had, things he is proud of. He started to fall asleep mid story and I let him rest not knowing he wouldn't really wake up again. 2 days later he passed.
If I were you I would absolutely call. You can use the questions I asked my dad if you think your dad would be receptive to them. I think at the end of life, people want a space to express how they really feel even though normally the subject of imminent death is very uncomfortable. I think, had I not asked him what was worrying him the most, he might have died holding onto that unvoiced stress. That's just my experience though. My heart goes out to you and your family. Please take care of yourselves and my deepest condolences about your father.
Thank you! While my dad would shrug off questions like those, you helped a lot!
I just wrote with Mom. She is currently at the hospital. As I have no a visit origanized for tomorrow, i did something that would never have crossed my mind. I asked if he has some wishes, i now he hates the hospital foot. He wished for cake. Fucking cake.
I don't know why, but I am sitting here, crying in relieve. Suddenly, it doesn't seem to far fetched i am able to "survive" a visit without meltdown, panic attacks or other shenanigans my brain throws at me.
Thank you stranger on the internet. Thank you!