WomensStuff

That sounds so hugely impact impactful to deal with, firstly, I'm sorry very sorry you're going through all that, and I just want to say absolute props to your strength and resilience! You have so much strength and resilience, to be continuing on, throughout all that, and how well you're handling it all, by minimising contact, from the harm, and no longer engaging with it. Hats off, you're doing amazing! It's hard, and it's such a horrible thing to feel like you're fighting alone. I hope you do have a few good friends you can pull close. I know it's hard for younger people to understand that type of manipulative behaviour, so some people who are good friends of yours, might not yet have the maturity to see what g's doing. They will eventually, if they're healthy themselves, if they don't, and while they don't it is better to keep yourself around healthier minded people, and people who do see it for what it is. The thing I have learned by living through a few of these events, here and there, is those people, who side with abusers, were never true friends, they were always toxic, you just didn't see it, and you are better off away from them. They might come to realise. But that's their journey, not yours. You have to make choices for your journey, in this world. You owe it to yourself to show the entity that you are, the best of what's available to you, on this brief trip in a meat suit, flying around a flaming ball, stuck to a rock, as we are. You're already doing that, you're already putting you and your needs first. When you get past this, sit down and look back at, and be proud of the strength and resilience you show, right now. Be so very proud. Moments like these are, sadly, the only times we get to see how truly strong we are. Appreciate it and be proud. And keep looking after yourself, you're doing everything right. I know it's hard right now. I promise it gets better. And there might be more rocks like this in the road further up, but you will know you're capable of managing it, you get to see that right now, how capable you are.

It is an absolutely huge thing to deal with suicidal feelings, I am so very sorry they're targeting you like that, it is absolutely fine to team in some help, that's not supposed to be a one person fight, fighting off those feelings. I've survived suicidal attempts, myself, and I can personally attest, that therapy and support makes that fight, just a tiny bit easier to get through. So if you're able to find a good service around you, it's ok to look after yourself in that way, and take a little of the load off.

Spending hugs and love, friend. Here if your need. Whenever.