ADHD

13546 readers

163 users here now

A casual community for people with ADHD

Values:

Acceptance, Openness, Understanding, Equality, Reciprocity.

Rules:

No abusive, derogatory, or offensive post/comments.
No porn, gore, spam, or advertisements allowed.
Do not request for donations.
Do not link to other social media or paywalled content.
Do not gatekeep or diagnose.
Mark NSFW content accordingly.
No racism, homophobia, sexism, ableism, or ageism.
Respectful venting, including dealing with oppressive neurotypical culture, is okay.
Discussing other neurological problems like autism, anxiety, ptsd, and brain injury are allowed.
Discussions regarding medication are allowed as long as you are describing your own situation and not telling others what to do (only qualified medical practitioners can prescribe medication).

Encouraged:

Funny memes.
Welcoming and accepting attitudes.
Questions on confusing situations.
Seeking and sharing support.
Engagement in our values.

Relevant Lemmy communities:

Neurodivergent Life Hacks

lemmy.world/c/adhd will happily promote other ND communities as long as said communities demonstrate that they share our values.

founded 3 years ago

MODERATORS

MrPoopyButthole@lemmy.world

MrPoopyButthole@lemmy.dbzer0.com

130

Cumulative effects of ADHD burnout in middle age. (lemmy.dbzer0.com)

submitted 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) by ScoffingLizard@lemmy.dbzer0.com to c/adhd@lemmy.world

49 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I've always made up a person to fit in. Masking has taken a toll and I hate the person I've pretended to be. That person is boring, polished, and an over achiever. Since.I was punished severely on a daily basis at 4 years old and afterwards, my true self never was known to me. Only my self who could survive.

Where do we find our unmasked real self after reaching "the big one" burnout? When your braim stops working, you're no longer functional, and the person you made can no longer be sustained, what do you do?

I'm in my 40s and it's rough.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] theneverfox@pawb.social 1 points 9 hours ago

You've just internalized the problem and called it normal. You shouldn't need to be different around different people. That's exhausting and most people don't do that. That's the neurodivergent coping mechanism.

No, literally every human being does do this, whether they're aware of it or not. We are very social species that is extremely sensitive to the group we're in and the social context. From the most neurotypical normie to entirely nonverbal autistic people, we all have different sides

Do you think people are masking when you bring a dog or a baby into a room and they act differently? Is it masking to act professionally at work? Do you think you really act the same with your friends and grandparents?

You keep dancing around the core of this - the discomfort from modulating your behavior in ways you don't want to is what masking is. That's the part that's exhausting

I haven't internalized a defense mechanism, I got rid of the discomfort. I've decided I'm often comfortable with silence (even if others aren't) and made peace with the fact people will misunderstand me often and stopped letting that drive my interactions

I also code switch hard and mirror people's speech patterns... But that's not a defense mechanism, that's just how I prefer to interact with the world. I like that I can fit in pretty much anywhere I want to be, it's easy and natural for me

That's what it means to stop masking. You don't change as a person, you learn to express yourself in a way that isn't exhausting