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What to do - Bi after marriage (hexbear.net)

submitted 1 year ago by bicuriousButters@hexbear.net to c/chat@hexbear.net

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Hi,

It's my first time posting here, but I'm a longtime lurker from my now-abandoned lemmy.world account. So, here's goes...

I've been feeling kind of stuck in my life, and wanted to see if any comrades had experienced anything similar or know folks who have. My main difficulty is that I only realized and accepted that I'm bi after my wife was pregnant. This is a problem for me because my wife is strictly monogamous. When we last discussed things, she flat out said that she couldn't accept me being with anyone else, even if the relationship was strictly sexual.

And I'm torn here. On the one hand, I love my wife very deeply and absolutely don't want to lose her. We've been together more than ten years, and she's the most amazing person I've ever met. On the other hand, I have this nagging feeling that a big part of me is going unexplored and undeveloped, to the point I find myself inexplicably mad at my wife sometimes - I guess because I blame her for not "letting" me explore this other side of me.

And about feeling stuck, I know I need to tell her how important this is to me, and to ask again if there's any way at all we can deal with it together. But when we've discussed it previously, multiple times, I dealt with it poorly and hurt her very badly. I just don't know if she can take another round of the same damn thing, and I'm very reluctant to try and have it turn out badly yet again.

Again, I'd especially appreciate hearing from folks who've been through similar situations, or at least know people who have.

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[–] Bartsbigbugbag@lemmy.ml 26 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Being bisexual doesn’t mean you can’t be monogamous, and realizing you’re bisexual shouldn’t mean you want to sleep with other people. I’m bisexual, but when I’m in a relationship I’m monogomous, and have no desire to do otherwise. Bisexuality and promiscuity aren’t related necessarily. So to me, it sounds more like you’d either prefer a non-monogamous relationship, in which case, you need to break up, period, or you just want us to help you convince her to let you cheat on her.

[–] bicuriousButters@hexbear.net 2 points 1 year ago

Yeah, I hope I didn't imply that bisexuality and monogamy are mutually exclusive. I understand there not for a lot of people. But yeah, I guess I need to figure out what they mean for me.