From video gaming to card games and stuff in between, if it's gaming you can probably discuss it here!
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I'm 45. I spent the weekend playing video games with my 43-year-old girlfriend and her nephew. When we thought she had COVID I bought a couple games that were online multiplayer so we could play together while she was isolated.
You just need to find the right people for you. Put "I love video games" in your Tinder profile, and this will weed out people who think that's for kids. Put yourself out there as you are, and it will attract the people who like you for who you are.
My dad is 66. He still games every day. Go dad! He's just about to fully complete fallout 4. Fuck anyone who doesn't get it, their opinions don't matter. Do what makes you happy.
Be 80 and play Fifa, it's fine. There's no age where you are obliged to put down your controller for the last time. But it shouldn't be your first answer while you're dating, and definitely not your only one.
Being a gamer, as an identity, has a lot of baggage.
Having gaming be your only interest or hobby is associated with being an unambitious self-interested person who intends to do as a little as possible, as long as possible. The recognisable games are marketed towards kids/teens with time to burn.
Imagine your date's interest was "moderating Reddit", "watching TikTok", or "reading Instagram". That's what 'gaming' sounds like: your hobby is media consumption.
There's no age where you aren't allowed to consume media; but it's worrying if that consumption is your identity, if consumption makes up your routine.
So it's not actually about age - it's about maturity and goal-setting.
When we're younger, most of us live moment-by-moment. Media consumption offers no future, but it has a pleasurable present.
But as people age, people develop goals and interests that require more investment and focus, and they're looking for people that are doing the same. A cutthroat economy demands people develop goals for financial stability, even if they still otherwise like games.
As we age, we stop looking for somebody to hang out with, but to build a life with.
So once the people you're talking to have interests for the future, "I enjoy my present doing my own thing" doesn't offer them anything. If they don't play games, they don't even know what games are capable of. Maybe one day they'd enjoy playing Ultimate Chicken Horse with you.
But right now, they just see the recognisable titles that want to monopolise children's time, and assume you're doing that. They picture you spending 20+ hours a week playing Fortnite. And there is an age cut-off where it's no long socially-acceptable to be a child.
It's not that video games are bad, but they're a non-answer. They want to know what you do that's good, and a non-answer implies you don't have a good answer at all, and that makes video games 'bad'.
That’s what ‘gaming’ sounds like: your hobby is media consumption.
It's really weird that people who have "reading books" as their main hobby are not as stigmatized as their digital media counterparts. Is it the digital aspect that turns the hobby into weirdness?
Maybe - certainly generations always assume anything that younger people do is somehow worse than what they did, and the digital landscape is a part of that. When writing slates became accessible, the old guard complained it was 'lazy' because they didn't have to remember it anymore. Any music popular among teenagers (especially teenage girls) is mocked as foolish, cringe, etc.
But I suspect like most hobbies, it's mostly the following that determine our assumptions:
You're right, reading is not somehow more or less moral than video games. Many modern games have powerful narrative structure that is more impactful for being an interactive medium. Spec Ops: The Line embraces the players actions as the fundamentals of its message. Gamers are hugely diverse; more than half the US population actually plays games at this point, and platforms are rapidly approaching an almost even gender split. (Women may choose to play less or different games, and hide their identity online, but they still own ~40% of consoles.)
Games as a medium is also extremely broad. I don't think you could compare games to 'watching anime' for example, so much as 'the concept of watching moving pictures', because they can range from puzzles on your phone, to narrative epics, to grand strategies, to interactive narratives.
So a better comparison for video games isn't 'reading books' so much as reading in general, and are you reading Reddit, the news, fiction, or classic lit? What does your choice of reading mean?
So for your suggested hobby of 'reading books', one might assume any (or all) of the following:
Assuming everybody who reads is 'smart' is as much an assumption as assuming everybody who games is 'lazy', and the assumptions you make about the hobby are really assumptions you make about the typical person who chooses it. It may not be a guarantee, but its a common enough pattern.
TLDR: Ultimately? I think books have inflated status because it's seen as a hobby for thinkers; people picture you reading Agatha Christie (but you could be reading Chuck Tingle, or comic books). Games have deflated status because it's seen as a hobby for people who consume mindlessly - the people who know what games are capable of are the ones playing them, too.
I agree that it shouldn't be the only thing you do, but if somebody dismisses your interests while they know almost nothing about it - then good riddance. Reading books is media consumption and a very broad statement as well - is that a non-answer too?
Also I bet it's not like these people are curing cancer or feeding starving orphans in their free time.
I think the distinction is that reading books implies you might have interesting discussions about ideas or themes. Video games do not imply that.
The reality is that there is a lot of excellent discussion in video game themes - Spec Ops: The Line, or dystopias like Cyberpunk 2077. Games have been political for as long as they've had any narrative structure at all. But video games have a reputation (and history) of being children's toys, and the only people who understand their narrative power are also gamers.
Compare somebody who claims their hobby is watching arthouse films, versus somebody whose hobby is watching TikTok. They're both watching videos play in front of them, but the assumption is that the former is consuming the content with a critical eye and learning from it; the latter is merely consuming it for shallow entertainment. The reductionist conclusion is that 'Arthouse viewer' can hold a conversation; 'TikTok viewer' cannot.
Then it's dismissal due to somebody's ignorance. If you are talking to this person, who knows nothing about games - why can't they ask you to elaborate instead of assumptions? I feel like people are playing games with each other instead of just talking and being genuinely interested - and that is truly childish.
I agree, but you're asking people to stop being people - and also removing the context of 'dating' from the equation.
Dating is work. First dates in particular are very much about first impressions - they're not getting to know you on a deep level yet, they're trying to build a quick profile to decide if doing so is even worth it. Such a process is all about assumptions, and anybody that claims it isn't is not being honest with themselves.
I agree that as a couple get to know each other more, both of them should share their genuine interests with each other. It's not about games being wrong or having to pretend you don't like them (authenticity is important for building anything long-term).
But it's recognising that they don't look good in an interpersonal resumé, which is what the dating process is.
Add in OP's demographic (47y man, seeking women), and gender roles in dating (men are initiators and women are selectors), which are still very entrenched in older generations. Men are expected to approach, escalate, and demonstrate what they offer her; women are expected to select from the many who approach them and assess if their intentions are positive or negative, if he'd make her life easier or harder.
Both genders have harmful expectations in dating: he is thirsty in the desert, she is drowning in the lake; they struggle to relate to each other's roles or even covet them.
I bring this up because men in particular have additional pressure to have a really good resumé because it will be the make-or-break that decides if somebody with options will return interest. Video games have a stigma that make them a bad choice to put in a highlighted position on your proverbial resumé. You want your most impressive, relevant, or interesting answers at the forefront, and it looks bad if you don't have any.
(It's also entirely possible that 'liking video games' is not the real reason he is struggling with dating, but because the initial reaction he receives is often dismissive, he believes that it is.)
It's also entirely possible that 'liking video games' is not the real reason he is struggling with dating, but because the initial reaction he receives is often dismissive, he believes that it is.
I mean, I'm an ugly bugger as well, maybe that's counting against me 😂
I thinkt it's more a thing of social bubbles than age brackets, really.
I agree, it's who you date. I have dated women in 30s and 40s. One really wanted to play Beat Saber in VR. One plays Spiderman on the PS4. Even if they say "I don't play games" on the first date, they might be hiding a Switch under their pillow...
Living within the bounds of common “social acceptability” is stifling and dull, in my personal experience. Being kind and considerate is important, but why waste precious time trying to suppress or conceal harmless parts of oneself?
I’d rather select for settings where I can be embraced as my authentic self. I was forced to live with someone who was harshly judgmental and crapped on facets of me daily when I was growing up. I’d NEVER willingly subject myself to that again.
IMA stop right at the start, who gives a shit Play at any age ya want You shouldn't be bound by anything but yourself
I have a feeling that if you worded it differently you'd improve the dating thing. If instead of "yeah, I like gaming" you said "my sons love videogames and we've been bonding a lot this way, it's been a nice hobby to get all of us closer" the non-gamers might be able to empathize more and keep the conversation alive.
My grandfather played games (CIV, WoW, and Elder Scrolls) until his death at 89 years old. Enjoy the things you enjoy, someone who is your person will like that you enjoy things you enjoy.
Was about to say that there is no cutoff age. I distinctly remember my grandfather playing RPGs on the Super Nintendo when I was a kid. That man played most of his life and well into his older years. Do what you love to do man. Ignore those who don't appreciate that you have a hobby you actually enjoy.
As someone born after 1986 I would consider it weird that there could be an age at which I wouldn't play games. Just do whatever you enjoy
I'm 55 and I will probably be playing right up until I die. You do whatever makes you feel comfortable, I am too old to give a fuck what other people think.
I think it's more of a generational thing than an age thing. Younger generations that grew up surrounded by games don't think it's weird and I while you do have less time to game as you get older I don't think it'll ever get weird.
Look, people our age were literally there at the advent of computer gaming. Why should we stop?
I’m 62 year old woman I started playing at 38, in 1999. I play a lot and I have no intention on stopping. I have never met a potential partner that saw it as a negative, but I would never impose it on them or not be available for activities because I would prefer gaming.
Why should there be a cut-off age? JM Pescado was playing and modding Sims 2 in his 80s wasn't he?
I would say it's not really an age thing. I mean age probably plays a role but ultimately it's just a hobby that is relatively common and not very exciting to an outsider.
This is definitely experienced by 20 year olds too. There is definitely a social pressure.
Based on this, 12% of people in your age bracket play video games, it's typically a roughly 50/50 split by gender. Not exactly a small amount. I think it's more that if you date 10 women, one will be a gamer and you've just not met that one.
My partner is in her mid 30s and is a game designer. Suffice to say she likes games, board games / pen & paper, video games...
You and I (45) are part of the first gamer generation, the first generation that had the opportunity to grow up around video games. As such, you'd expect gaming be a normal hobby for people of our age, and to some extent, it is. However, many people have grown out of games and consider them childish. I think that this is because the games of our childhood were very simple and shallow entertainment. Over the years, games have come to address more and more serious topics with a depth not unlike that of "higher" cultural media such as film or literature, but the people who grew up and left gaming behind before this development don't know that. Their only experience of games may be the simple, "childish" games of the 70s and 80s, so they consider gamers childish as well.
I've got 20 years on you and I don't see an end to my gaming days anytime soon.
I'm 55 now and plan to continue to casually play video games until I RIP IRL
I personally think it's only related to birth generation. For currently past 30 years old it was still pretty rare for people to game a lot. Now everyone has a smartphone and gaming is a big business. Also people past a certain age develop a level of "old people grumpiness" and this sticks to them in whatever they do. Some lost interest in hobbies and are seriously envious of people enjoying gaming instead of watching TV all day or gossiping with neighbors. I also believe current younger generstions are much more understanding of other people's life choices, less judging. Not long ago young marriage was the goal number one, for thousands of years. We're live in a fast changing age at the moment.
There's no drop off for gaming.
I'm 41 and not only do I play games everyday I also develop them. My girlfriend enjoys the fact that I play games. When we aren't together a lot of the time I will stream them and most of the time she's my only viewer lol
She is very supportive and encouraged me to do things that are fun.
Honestly, if the women you are meeting aren't supportive of your hobbies and what you enjoy doing to relax, then trust me when I say you don't want anything to do with them. These women are telling you who they are, believe them and steer clear.
Nah. If you enjoy it, and your kids like spending time with you gaming, then who cares?
Life is too short and kids grow up too fast to care what some grumpy old people who wouldn’t know fun if it hit them in the head will say about what you enjoy.
I think it's generational. When I talk to folks about gaming in their early-mid 30's, the majority of them either also game, or at least don't think it's weird. Video games and board games too.
I think once you hit that rough age cutoff for millennials, late 30's-early 40's it seems video gaming and board gaming also largely falls off. At least that's been my experience.
My spouse and I are in our 30's and most of our peers game. Keep it up and never stop having fun!
Meh, my wife and I are 48 and are both playing the same JRPG phone game (Another Eden. It's a Gatcha, but plays more like a traditional single-player JRPG). And she loves to watch me play FFXIV and other story-heavy games that she has trouble playing herself. And we are in a D&D game Saturday nights.
So I wouldn't worry about it too much, you just gotta find the right woman.
I'm in my late 50s and I'm a PC gamer on linux. I game more than ever now since gaming on linux is a complete joy right now, at least on Steam.
Gaming is something that I'll be doing long after playing tennis or biking or hiking are options. If someone else (friend, family member, date) doesn't like it, no sweat. I don't like to do a lot of other things people like to do and can game on my own. If they can't handle it, well, bullet dodged I guess.
I'm 56 and play Minecraft and PUBG mobile.
As long as you're having fun I don't see why it should have an age limit.
Unless you're playing specifically children's games.
There's absolutely no age cut off for video games. I would even go further and say that more seniors should play video games.
But, I also wouldn't be too judgy with people who think video games are for kids. This is all thanks to decades of marketing. Atari, the first popular video game console, was sold along side TVs and other electronics and was targeted towards everyone. But then Nintendo decided to market their console as a toy, instead of a consumer electronics product. Also, they had to pick a "boy" vs "girl" aisle, and they picked "boy", which is why video games aren't seen as girly.
There isn’t a cutoff in my experience. I’ve met more over 40 gamers that are chill to hang out with then under 25s.
There is zero age cutoff. Absolutely none.
I think what you are experiencing is a generational cut off, from people born before certain time where video games hasn't permeated into pop culture long enough.
I am a 55 year old gamer, and I'll probably be gaming until I die. It's entirely up to you.
No, if that doesnt affect negatively your life there's nothing wrong about gaming. That can actually be a nice way to bond with your kids
I don't think there is a cutoff age, but I have noticed that non-gamers see gaming more like watching TV, i. e. a passive, somewhat trivial form of entertainment. The reason is because people tend to first think of Tetris and not Disco Elysium or Persona, or VR games. They just don't know that it is an intellectually actibe and stimulating hobby. But I cannot fault them for that. Imagine telling someone your hobby is watching TV. I did tell my SO that I like gaming, but I also like other things that they enjoy too. If she ever asks me about it though, I am happy to talk about it or show something to her.
to most women I meet, around my age, video games are anathema.
You should be grateful for them filtering themselves out of your dating pool so quickly. Not all red flags are that obvious.
Games should always be socially acceptable, and my recommendation is for you to look for women who, even if they don't play, would be willing to try something. Start with something that's easy to learn and that you can play together, like Bomberman (the old SNES ones are still great). Coop will always work better at first, it makes a clear message that you're not there "to win", you're there "to teach"
I strongly suspect most women don't play because they see games as something "for boys". Not many ever had the opportunity to play anything when they were younger and most dismiss the games they actually play, like Candy Crush or whatever, as "not really games".
My ex never bothered with games, despite playing some flash stuff back in the late 2000's. To her surprise, she actually enjoyed playing Tekken 6, Torchlight 2 and Kirby Star Allies, all of which I gave her a chance to play. I also presented many other games, but she didn't show any interest, so I didn't push them. Even my mom, who always despised me and my games, plays one of those Hidden Objects games every day (used to only play Solitaire and Freecell).
My nephews don't have a videogame or PC for themselves, but on 2 occasions that I set up something for them to play, they had a blast, once beating each other on Street Fighter 2, the other getting lost and yelling at each other in Super Mario 3D World.
No age cut-off in my book. Play what you want at whatever age you want.
I will personally play video games until I am at an age where I am physically unable.