this post was submitted on 19 Aug 2023
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Asklemmy

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[โ€“] JackbyDev@programming.dev 159 points 2 years ago (2 children)

I don't see a problem with it as long as no trafficking is involved.

[โ€“] Driftking@lemmy.ml 44 points 2 years ago (42 children)

I agree with this. I have found that most women do not however. It has been a great trouble for me, to talk about, when trying to find a new partner.

[โ€“] McCainRBGcreampie@hexbear.net 24 points 2 years ago (5 children)

You should definitely bring this up as often as possible. Enjoying coerced intimacy is totally well adjusted behavior.

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[โ€“] spasm01@lemmy.ko4abp.com 94 points 2 years ago (28 children)

So long as everyone involved consents sans coercion, I do not see why anyone else should care/be involved

[โ€“] Palerider@feddit.uk 46 points 2 years ago

This is pretty much my view on people's sexuality generally.

I don't care who's doing what to who as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult.

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[โ€“] dingus@lemmy.ml 74 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (2 children)

I want to live in a world where no one feels they are struggling so much that they need to turn to selling their body for sex.

However, I don't live in that world, so in the meantime I support sex workers, because sex work is work.


The men who use their services? That's a tougher nut to crack.

My partners brother is heavily mentally disabled and pushing 40, he's still very much like a child, but obviously does not have a child's libido. This man has never had an intimate interaction with a woman. He might never get the chance, he struggles to talk to women, even women who have similar issues as himself. I think sex workers could be beneficial for him, in the right context, for giving him intimacy he may otherwise never experience. I don't think he would ever think/know to pursue a sex worker, but I could be wrong. There's also the issue of his emotions began to be involved, which leads me to...

I'd be more worried about him finding OnlyFans and blowing through all his disability money each month instead of realizing he's not actually getting much out of such a "relationship." He's the kind of person who a parasocial relationship like that could really damage their already troubling mental health. The same thing could happen with a prostitute, but they are less likely to hang the relationships on fake social cues that say they care about you. He's not quite advanced enough to understand that these women are being paid to pretend to care, I don't think.


Also, there's other types of men who use these services I'm sure aren't a net positive. There are plenty of conservative men who already view a standard relationship as a sexual transaction (I take care of girl = she give me sex), so they're not far from viewing everything women with transactional already. Secondly, not only do the already view it as transactional, many of these conservative men turn to prostitutes because average women simply don't want to date them because of their horrible, outdated views on women's bodily autonomy. They are already angsty and moody because of women not wanting to date them, and they often are willing to take out their frustrations on the woman they paid to serve them. I see these men as not respecting and hurting the women they turn to for sex work.


Anyway, just some quick thoughts on the subject.

[โ€“] FederatedSaint@lemmy.world 27 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (5 children)

I want to live in a world where no one feels they are struggling so much that they need to turn to selling their body for sex.

You see, that's the problem. You are implicitly devaluing sex work compared to other professions. You're not acknowledging that some people actually want to, and choose to do sex work. There's nothing wrong whatsoever with someone choosing prostitution, stripping, escort, etc.

Could you say your same statement about being a lawyer? A teacher? An engineer?

"I want to live in a world where no one feels they are struggling so much that they need to turn to being an engineer."

You see how weird that sounds? So why can you say it about sex work? Do you see how derisive you're being toward it as a profession? Funny that you say you're supportive while implying that what they're doing is a last resort...๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™‚๏ธ

[โ€“] Lintson@aussie.zone 18 points 2 years ago (4 children)

I get you point but I genuinely want to live in a world where people are not forced to turn to engineering.

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[โ€“] MxRemy@lemmy.one 57 points 2 years ago (2 children)

My opinion on them is the same as whatever opinion the sex workers have on them

[โ€“] CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org 21 points 2 years ago (19 children)

If you support the sex workers, this is the main answer. If you like them but not their clients how is that supposed to work economically?

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[โ€“] HelixDab2@lemm.ee 46 points 2 years ago

I have very mixed feelings.

On the one hand, I don't think that there's anything inherently immoral about sex work.

On the other hand, a large amount of sex work is not voluntary and consensual.

There are a few sites where (legitimate) sex workers can advertise. Prices vary considerably, but you'll typically see prices starting at $400+ for "full service". They typically have specific limits laid out, what things they do and don't do, and usually require some kind of screening for their own safety. If you go to sites where clients can review sex workers, you can find listings for $50-$100 for full-service sex work with "new girls", frequently Asian. These women--most of the people exchanging sex for money are women---in those listings do not screen clients, do not have pre-stated limits, frequently do not require the use of barriers, and always work for an "agency". It is clear to me that these are not women that are doing sex work consensually. People that frequent these sex workers are complicit in their abuse. (Willing sex workers can and do work through agencies; that makes their client screening less onerous for them. But they still have clear limits, and not rock-bottom prices.)

Given how many women, esp. at the lower end of the pricing spectrum, aren't doing sex work consensually, I would not have a good opinion of a person that chooses to use them. I could not accept someone that knew that they were trafficked and didn't care, or chose to ignore the probability that they were doing sex work involuntarily.

I would have no opinion either way about someone that chooses to use a professional domme; that, at least, is a segment of the market that's unlikely to involved trafficked victims.

[โ€“] xigoi@lemmy.sdf.org 43 points 2 years ago (3 children)

I find it weird that someone would want to have sex with someone who obviously does it only for money.

[โ€“] chaorace@lemmy.sdf.org 35 points 2 years ago (6 children)

Now that you mention it, isn't it odd that it feels weird? I wonder exactly where the line starts to come into focus between something as innocuous as paying for a meal and something as taboo as paying for sex? Obviously that's a question of culture, but it's entertaining to think about nonetheless...

Like, there's definitely something kind of unusual about this specific taboo. Speaking from the perspective of modern western culture, I'd say that the following things which share some characteristics with prostitution are all individually qualified as being relatively socially acceptable:

  • Paying for therapy (i.e.: buying the service of social comfort)
  • Paying for a massage (i.e.: buying the service of physical comfort)
  • Having a one night stand (i.e.: receiving the service of sexual comfort without buying it)
  • Buying a sex toy (i.e.: buying sexual comfort without involving a service worker)

I posit that there's something uniquely specific about the direct intersection of service, money, and sexual pleasure which makes prostitution uniquely uncomfortable for (modern western) people to think about. I might be overthinking it, though. Perhaps these three things are already uncomfortable topics to really think about so we naturally want to resist the idea of combining them?

[โ€“] StringTheory@beehaw.org 18 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (3 children)

Some people view sex as a means of expressing affection and connection, rather than as a means of having an orgasm. They would have no issue buying a sex toy to get their physical needs met, however hiring a person wouldnโ€™t make sense to them because of the lack of emotional connection.

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[โ€“] Stanwich@lemmy.world 43 points 2 years ago (3 children)

We pay for everything else. A professional is a professional. Mechanic or prostitute. It's a mutual transaction. Regulate it and make sure it's safe. When ai porn blows up there going to be a lot more sex workers.

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[โ€“] doggle@lemmy.world 42 points 2 years ago (1 children)

If the sex worker is consenting without duress and is being treated well (I recognize that's a big 'if') then I'm fine with it. I have no inherent objections to sex work itself so it would feel like a double standard to judge the people who use it.

Unfortunately the moral waters are muddied by the rampant trafficking, drug abuse, etc. within the industry.

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[โ€“] Nioxic@lemmy.dbzer0.com 40 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I dont care

So long as they treat the women properly, and said women is not being forced to work as a sex worker.

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[โ€“] obinice@lemmy.world 39 points 2 years ago

I don't see why it's any of my business. It's like asking what I think of men who go to the gym, or like lettuce on their sandwiches. It's just another normal thing people do in life.

Sex is a very normal everyday thing that many people need to feel fulfilled, and the sex industry is great to fill that need. People like to bone. It's none of my business, and because I'm not a Catholic from the 1800s, I don't think it's deeply wrong or sinful.

The only issue is that it's not regulated enough, there aren't enough protections in place for the workers or the customers.

[โ€“] electrogamerman@lemmy.world 35 points 2 years ago (2 children)

What is your opinion on women that make use of sex worker services?

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[โ€“] Smeagol666@lemm.ee 34 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I know you probably mean prostitutes or "escorts", but aren't porn actors also sex workers? I watch porn all the time, so do a lot of people. I feel sorry for the sad sacks who aren't "allowed" to look at porn because their significant other is so goddamn insecure, the idea of their partner having their own private thoughts scares the shit out of them.

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[โ€“] GarbageShoot@hexbear.net 32 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Support prostitutes by means other than being a John. Do a Holden Caulfield if you like and pay for their time to just hang out, idk. The John is instinsically in a position of power by using money to be entitled to sex, and is part of the social violence of coercing desperate people into dangerous and frequently traumatizing* labor.

*look up ptsd rates

[โ€“] dingus@lemmy.ml 23 points 2 years ago

Also don't forget how many of these women are already struggling with mental health issues.

In the USA, if you are on disability, you are effectively barred from saving money.

I know of plenty of disabled women who turn to sex work to be able to pay the bills since their meager disability check is not enough to effectively live off. It is all under the table so they essentially just don't report the earnings.

So many of these women really don't need the added awfulness of being a sex worker in their lives, but do it out of necessity of a broken system.

[โ€“] Godric@lemmy.world 32 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Logically, if it's two consenting adults, why not?

Personally, fucking ew.

Overall, if you are single, you do you! If you have someone waiting at home, go fuckin sort yourself, never be a cheater.

[โ€“] victron@programming.dev 18 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Let alone cheating, you don't want to catch something and carry it home. So yeah, cheating sucks.

[โ€“] chicken@lemmy.dbzer0.com 31 points 2 years ago (4 children)

IMO the more that money is involved in anything, the less actually voluntary it is, because we need money to live and plenty of people don't have a lot of options for making money. With sex it's really important for everything to be actually consensual, but paying for it makes that ambiguous, they can't really know, so I see it as creepy and unethical.

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[โ€“] M68040@hexbear.net 30 points 2 years ago (14 children)

Most of what I know is informed by stereotypes from various facets of American pop culture and not reality so my opinion is not valuable

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[โ€“] cazsiel@lemmy.world 25 points 2 years ago

I love my customers

[โ€“] jadedwench@lemmy.world 24 points 2 years ago

Safe. Sane. Consensual. Pretty simple. If money changes hands, whatever. Don't be a dick and no means no. In fact, until there is a yes, you cannot assume there is consent. I digress...

My idea of what the average sex worker client is like isn't positive, but I wouldn't hold it against someone I already know to be upstanding if I found out they had used one's services.

[โ€“] eatmyass@hexbear.net 21 points 2 years ago

Creepy

I support sex workers but im sorry I will never step foot in a strip club. I guess in some places people go to strip clubs mostly to club and to party, but not near me, and Iโ€™ve never met anyone who frequents the strip clubs around me who wasnโ€™t really sus.

[โ€“] waterbogan@lemmy.world 20 points 2 years ago (8 children)

Its a perfectly reasonable option for those that for whatever reason are unable to meet their needs by more conventional/ socially acceptable means. I do not make use of sex worker services currently but if the need arose in the future I would not rule it out, and would not look down on anyone else for doing so (as long as trafficing is not involved)

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[โ€“] aaaaaaadjsf@hexbear.net 19 points 2 years ago (3 children)

Gross. How can you even enjoy sex when you essentially bought someone's consent?

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where, which sex workers, and which services? i think men who spend more money on onlyfans than they do on groceries are dumb, i think strip clubs are fucken weird, i think sex tourists probably deserve death, and i think most johns are walking into a minefield of exploitation.

[โ€“] wizzor@sopuli.xyz 17 points 2 years ago

Although not something I could see myself doing, I don't judge. People can be too busy for dating, out of practice, too awkward or just wanting to cross off something off their bucket list. At the very least it ain't my business.

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