this post was submitted on 27 Jan 2025
550 points (96.0% liked)

Programmer Humor

28033 readers
686 users here now

Welcome to Programmer Humor!

This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!

For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.

Rules

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] kryptonianCodeMonkey@lemmy.world 217 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Option 3 means that the Javascript standards team dies either way, right? Number 3. No hesitation.

[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 65 points 11 months ago (18 children)

the c++ team is a sacrifice I'm willing to make. can we just shoot Brendan Eich in the head if he's not in there too?

[–] kryptonianCodeMonkey@lemmy.world 37 points 11 months ago

Push him onto the pressure pad. Make it his fault.

[–] RoyaltyInTraining@lemmy.world 12 points 11 months ago

I feel like all C++ does these days is badly and very slowly copy other languages. It wouldn't be a huge loss.

load more comments (16 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] kryptonianCodeMonkey@lemmy.world 77 points 11 months ago (5 children)

Javascript Standards Team is such an Oxymoron.

[–] rimjob_rainer@discuss.tchncs.de 4 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Yeah, didn't know there was a standard committee and can't believe how inept they are.

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] rimjob_rainer@discuss.tchncs.de 59 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] bleistift2@sopuli.xyz 47 points 11 months ago (3 children)

“You and your entire family” means “All life on Earth”.

That should make the decision somewhat easier.

[–] Zozano@aussie.zone 11 points 11 months ago (1 children)

By my definition, family is who you treat like family.

[–] Donkter@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago

I try to treat everyone I meet like family

[–] trxxruraxvr@lemmy.world 11 points 11 months ago

If you make it "all human live" it starts to look quite attractive again

[–] metaStatic@kbin.earth 4 points 11 months ago

I thought seaweed didn't have a common ancestor

[–] eager_eagle@lemmy.world 28 points 11 months ago

there might be an argument that JavaScript kills more than a nuclear bomb

[–] peoplebeproblems@midwest.social 25 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Ok so this one just isn't fair.

Two possibilities end up with me dead, two end up with millions dead, and one ends up with me being unemployed.

Sorry not sorry Team A and B, sacrifices must be made.

[–] BatmanAoD@programming.dev 4 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Wait, which one leaves you unemployed?

[–] peoplebeproblems@midwest.social 9 points 11 months ago (2 children)

The lack of standards path of course.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] zib@lemmy.world 23 points 11 months ago (5 children)

I'd take my odds with the bottom track.

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 19 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I've played enough X-COM to know that 50/50 is actually 100%, I just don't know which way. Better trigger it!!

[–] darkbaron202@lemmy.world 9 points 11 months ago

30%? Let me deliver that shot with crit across the map to your teammate hunkered down behind full cover for you!

[–] passiveaggressivesonar@lemmy.world 18 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] superkret@feddit.org 15 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Assuming it is in the US, at 4.5 million it can only be San Francisco/Oakland/Berkeley.

[–] samus12345@lemm.ee 17 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Well, you can take yourself out of the equation because you're not tied down and can just move after flipping the switch.

chooses bottom track

"C'mon...c'mon!"

trolley heads towards committe members

"Dammit!"

runs over and jumps on the nuclear bomb pressure pad

[–] Rivalarrival@lemmy.today 17 points 11 months ago

A Mark VI only has a 18 to 160 kiloton yield.

Can we replace it with a B83?

[–] AceFuzzLord@lemm.ee 12 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I'll take the 50/50 because those are some damn good odds!

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Evotech@lemmy.world 8 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Am I in the Metropolitan area?

[–] Ashelyn@lemmy.blahaj.zone 18 points 11 months ago (2 children)

You are on track A and the bomb is within sight. If you get the shit end of the 50/50, everyone in the diagram would be vaporized instantly

[–] stevedice@sh.itjust.works 15 points 11 months ago (1 children)

So you're saying there's a 100% chance the comitees get vaporized by choosing the bottom track.

[–] Ashelyn@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Well, no.

In scenario A they are instantly vaporized. In scenario B they are brutally sliced into multiple pieces and crushed to death, rather painfully depending on the speed of the trolley.

[–] stevedice@sh.itjust.works 8 points 11 months ago

You need to study up on your trolleys. That's clearly a Vaporizer Trolleynator 3000.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] dosuser123456@lemmy.sdf.org 6 points 11 months ago

sudo rm train.sh

problem solved 👍

[–] Iceman@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago

There is at least one user here in the superposition of being on two tracks at once.

[–] zzx@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago

I like those odds

[–] Nublets@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago

Middle track. Then I have plenty of time to hotwire the nuke with my handy dandy mallet

[–] Ziglin@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Now how do I get it to drift over everything but teams a and b?

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] mariusafa@lemmy.sdf.org 4 points 11 months ago

Let's play coin flip!

[–] DontMakeMoreBabies@lemm.ee 4 points 11 months ago

Fuck the metro I guess.

load more comments
view more: next ›