this post was submitted on 24 Mar 2025
275 points (99.3% liked)

The Onion and other satire w/ layers

962 readers
246 users here now

For posting satire from The Onion and other similar sources.

redundancy, but not for its own sake

Be nice. All instance rules apply.

founded 10 months ago
MODERATORS
can@sh.itjust.works
275
JFK files reveal Lee Harvey Oswald played violent video games (hard-drive.net)
submitted 3 months ago by MHLoppy@fedia.io to c/theonion@sh.itjust.works
16 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

The recent declassification of all records relating to President John F. Kennedy’s assassination has revealed that the event was motivated entirely by Lee Harvey Oswald’s lifelong obsession with violent video games, historians announced.

“For the first time ever, we’re able to look back on that day with almost perfect clarity,” explained Owen Císte-Torthaí, professor of history at the University of Maryland. “All the ridiculous speculation and conspiracy theories can finally be put to rest. We know exactly why Kennedy was assassinated, and like every act of violence, it’s because of video games.”

top 16 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] someguy3@lemmy.world 28 points 3 months ago (1 children)

God damn the only reason I didn't eat the onion was because I knew the timelines didn't add up.

[–] gibmiser@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago (3 children)

I was definitely trying to think what possible video game could it be

[–] son_named_bort@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago

GTA 5. It's been out that long.

[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Pretty primitive. Duck Hunt.

[–] moody@lemmings.world 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Duck Hunt is from 1984

[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

But it's not because Lee Harvey Oswald played it.

[–] MHLoppy@fedia.io 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Literally 1984

[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 2 points 3 months ago

No, see LHO played it. That's how he got radicalized.

[–] sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip 9 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

Clearly he conducted the assassination in real life because of his obsessive addiction to topping the leaderboard of JFK Reloaded.

(You can probably find the actual abandonware game floating around the internet somewhere if you look.)

[–] Grimy@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago

It's on the internet archives!

https://archive.org/details/jfk-reloaded

[–] limer@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 3 months ago

The stealth shooter games in the 1960s were very under the radar; it’s so brave the information is out there. Now, everyone will know.

[–] Coreidan@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago

Ok but what about the guy who actually killed JFK and not the scape goat?

[–] nihilist_hippie@lemmy.ca 3 points 3 months ago

That pesky 'Tennis for Two'!! Fills kids with ideas of Satan!!

[–] humanspiral@lemmy.ca 1 points 3 months ago

Proven ticket holder to "Revenge of the killer tomatoes" would have been more credible for early 1960s.

[–] MuAraeOracle@real.lemmy.fan 1 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Oswald was p0wning the noobs on his PDP-4 https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/PDP-4