this post was submitted on 19 Sep 2023
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Memes

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[–] AllBlue22@lemmy.world 64 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Let me tell you about my American dream. Imagine if you will, every shit you take is a one whiper. Horrid diarrhea, one whiper, constipated shit tail that barely drops, one whiper, even your average everyday shit, a one whiper! Now imagine a welcome to your porcelain throne, a lid raising to greet you, a relaxing night nightlight, a preheated seat and even a pre-cleaning spray to ensure your shit doesn't stick to the bowl... No more imagining, this is no longer a dream, this is in fact a top of the line Toto bidet brought to you by our friends from Japan. It's time to invest, you deserve to have your hole automatically cleaned by a gentle heated oscillating spray and then dried with a nice warm blow. Leaving only one whipe for you to finish the drying process and to see for yourself, the magesty of a clean post whipe 3 sheets of toilet paper.

[–] Jamie@jamie.moe 29 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] ekky43@lemmy.dbzer0.com 17 points 2 years ago

That's just standard equipment for professional shitposters.

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 32 points 2 years ago (2 children)

If you have that much ass hair, does using a bidet technically count as doing laundry? 🤔

[–] PeWu@lemmy.ml 8 points 2 years ago

Thoughts with the deep

[–] garden_boi@feddit.de 2 points 2 years ago

Yes, yes it does.

[–] Psaldorn@lemmy.world 26 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] saltynuts420@lemm.ee 2 points 2 years ago
[–] MonsiuerPatEBrown@reddthat.com 13 points 2 years ago (1 children)

more of a shitpost than a meme

[–] Dasnap@lemmy.world 10 points 2 years ago

You mean free floss?

[–] FastWarfarin@lemmy.world 10 points 2 years ago

The heading made me laugh so hard

[–] kittenbridgeasteroid@discuss.tchncs.de 9 points 2 years ago (2 children)

LPT: Thongs are the cure for swamp-ass. If you can, get some wool ones.

[–] Franzia@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Wool thongs? Where? I just bought some... idk Rayon? Tencel?

[–] kittenbridgeasteroid@discuss.tchncs.de 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I had to get them custom made on Etsy. $45ish each, but 100% worth it. I highly advise against most synthetic fabrics, though.

I have some micromodal ones that are nice, but nothing performs like wool. I'll take them off at the end of the day and they'll be wet from sweat, but my skin is dry.

And that's saying something, because I have hyperhydrosis.

[–] Franzia@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Interesting. I already have a love for wool, perhaps I will be following down your same path.

Also thank you for sharing and then going into detail!

[–] Stamets@startrek.website 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] kittenbridgeasteroid@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Jockstraps don't go in your butt crack, though. Thongs act like a sweat wick.

[–] Stamets@startrek.website 4 points 2 years ago

Jockstraps provide the desperate breeze that my rainforest ass needs

[–] tym@lemmy.world 7 points 2 years ago

...like peanut butter in the carpet

Buy a bidet that's $200 or more. Especially if you're a functioning alcoholic. It'll change your drinking shits game.

[–] TheGiantKorean@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

Be sure to shampoo and condition it properly. No one likes a messy ass of hair.

[–] CassowaryTom@lemmy.one 3 points 2 years ago

I was plenty awkward, but ass hair? At 12?

[–] Omgarm@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago

Keeps your ass warm when streaking after having a few to many drinks!

[–] MonsieurArchi@lemmy.world 1 points 2 years ago

Ass hair is fine but nose hair!!!!

[–] nudnyekscentryk@szmer.info -4 points 2 years ago (2 children)

flushable wet wipes is a new, life-changing discovery to me

[–] SuiXi3D@kbin.social 4 points 2 years ago

A cheap bidet is like, thirty bucks?

[–] aesopjah@lemm.ee 1 points 2 years ago

Bitet instead. Those wipes are okay occasionally or while traveling