turns on phone
goes to the clock app to set an alarm so I can wake up in the morning
phone sends a push notification of names and contact numbers
"Siri what is this?"
"It's a list of knocker ups you can hire to wake you up and are looking for new clients"
Knocker ups' comment on this story: "This is a horror story to a techbro and a feel-good comedy to anyone with a sense of human decency"
( from reddit )