this post was submitted on 18 May 2025
311 points (93.6% liked)

Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] Lumun@lemmy.zip 111 points 4 days ago (1 children)

straight

This is clearly vitally critical to how we're supposed to interpret the rest of the greentext

[–] arschflugkoerper@feddit.org 38 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Not shitting your pants is gay

[–] IhaveCrabs111@lemmy.world 11 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Then I shit your pants

[–] BigDanishGuy@sh.itjust.works 6 points 4 days ago

My gay conversion therapy service is basically just me breaking into your house and taking dump in your laundry basket.

[–] OmegaLemmy@discuss.online 78 points 5 days ago (2 children)
[–] spamspeicher@feddit.org 93 points 4 days ago (1 children)

It's the first green text that isn't fake.

[–] Someplaceunknown@lemm.ee 26 points 4 days ago (1 children)

It’s probably still gay tho

[–] thebestaquaman@lemmy.world 12 points 4 days ago (1 children)

But anon even said they were straight, so this might actually be the first true and straight greentext.

[–] prettybunnys@sh.itjust.works 6 points 4 days ago

That’s what makes it so fake

[–] Nurse_Robot@lemmy.world 10 points 4 days ago

Better be gay

[–] AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip 28 points 4 days ago (1 children)

If i shit my pants aggressively i would probably pretend to fall over and curl up in pain because if you see someone shit their pants without pain you would think the person is strange but if they are in pain and distress then you would think its something medical thus they wouldnt judge you so much for it. At least this is my theory.

[–] bathing_in_bismuth@sh.itjust.works 10 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Imagine doing this in America. A $675 pair of new pants

[–] troglodytis@lemmy.world 8 points 4 days ago

$675? Damn bro, lemme get on that insurance! That'd be like a $6k pants shit from here

[–] j4k3@lemmy.world 34 points 4 days ago

Well folks it turns out that being 40 is like shitting your pants

[–] the_wiz@feddit.org 26 points 4 days ago

More of a shitcode...

[–] difficult@sh.itjust.works 3 points 4 days ago

anon should just get skatole