You don't have to live like this.
this post was submitted on 22 May 2025
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Men's Liberation
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I am not competitive at all. It sucks when I don't get something I want because I'm not willing to destroy someone else to get it, but I choose to live my life on my terms. If that means I don't make the sale or get the promotion or get the girl, then those things were never available to me in the first place.
My job is mine because I want it and I'm good at it. I don't need to be better than my coworkers.
My wife is mine because we love each other and we make each other happy. I don't need to be handsomer or taller or more athletic than any rivals, because we only have eyes for each other.
I like to do my best in sports, in games, and in life, and I enjoy winning when I deserve it. I won't compromise my values to win, though, and my success is not measured in wins. If I'm not the best, then I am still proud of my effort and my accomplishments.
It is possible to live this way. It just means you have to be willing to forgo the spoils of victory.
I think it depends where you are in life.
OP mentions dating and jobs. It sounds like they don't have a spouse, or a job they're good at. OP is probably having a hard time meeting someone and getting an interview.
When I grew up, applying for a job meant competing with the dozen other applicants who had dropped off their paper resume. Now it means competing with an entire database full of people and convincing a screening algorithm that you're qualified. That sounds tough.
It is tough, but I've lived this way my entire life. Dating was competitive when I was dating, and I did not compete for women. I know of at least one girlfriend who left me because I wasn't willing to fight for her attention.
Same with jobs. I've had my current role for 3 years. I remember paper resumes, but I haven't used one since my first job. I've worked many jobs, even had my own business for a while, and my lack of competitive drive has certainly shaped the course of my career.
But I've never stepped on anyone to get ahead. I've never cheated anyone, or taken advantage of a client. I've had opportunities to take things I hadn't earned, and I let those things go. I've never missed a baseball game or ballet recital, never chosen work over my kids or my wife. I haven't always made the right choices, but I'm not ashamed of any of them.
Competition is healthy. Stong winds make strong trees. But a competitive spirit can cause people to compromise their values to win. Success isn't always winning. Success is being the best person you can be.
Don't gat angry at yourself not meeting the arbitrary expectations of society. Get angry at society for having stupid expectations.
Yes. It feels like we're in a constant struggle not to get run over. I think that's why some people have been arguing that we should have more basic rights (e.g. a right to food, and a right to housing).
I'm not sure this is a new thing, but it's definitely a grind.
We would suggest taking a more cooperative outlook on life as well as then living that outlook.
For things like jobs: Join a union or become part of a cooperative etc.
For things like relationships, look at either or both polyamory and relationship anarchy for answers in how to compete less and come across that way too.
We hope this helps!
come across
I see what you did there.
What do you mean? We didn't do anything intentionally. Is this a sex thing we're too ace to get?
dating
That's the neat part, I don't. 🥲
Welcome to the rat race. 🙁