Just suck up each grain individually with a straw.
this post was submitted on 07 Jul 2025
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If your eating tendies you don't have to worry about "etiquette"
I wouldn't use a spoon. I'd have a knife and fork, so my finger wouldn't be involved. Saying that, do what you want. I wouldn't care a jot. I've actual things to worry about instead of some archaic manners system.
In order of preference: Knife > finger food > finger
Do whatever your hosts do with theirs
Understand that most meals requiring this kind of etiquette tend to not have finger foods on the same plate as loose veggies or rice. So you're talking about a really niche thing.
I was taught that, other than bread, no food should be held in the hand while eating other food, and bread should only be used in that way with specific dishes, not as a general thing.
So, first option should be another utensil. That's what they're there for. It's unusual that you would have only one.
If that isn't present, then you would use another piece of food. You would ideally use a dry food, like toast or bread, but a breaded piece of meat served as a finger food would be acceptable if the dish is served without other utensils. It would be weird, but not unheard of.
However, you shouldn't finger the food at all. If the food isn't a finger food itself, and you've been provided a utensil, you would normally expect to just leave what can't be scooped up with said utensil.
All of that said, the best etiquette advice possible is: when in doubt, slow down and watch your host. There's really no situation outside in common etiquette where eating slowly is a bad thing. And, doing as one's host is doing is equally universally acceptable. So chew well, placing your utensils down on the plate and engage with the other people. Dinner parties of any significant scope are not about eating as the primary goal. The dinner is the setting for social interactions. So, unless the host or most of the table are just shoveling it in, you have time to estimate the accepted behavior. And, if they're shoveling it in, there's your answer.
Never with your finger
use your knife
Tendie.