Greentext

I hate to be the old dude in these conversations — but yeah… sometimes you just fucking deal. 90% of my life is depression, suicidal ideation, and intrusive thoughts. Ten percent is that I’m the life of the party, the fun guy at work. Honestly, in meetings, when it’s been dark, execs turn to me and say, “Wow, silver lining?”

And I deliver.

So… I don’t complain. I raise a family. I exercise. I see depression as the norm. Why would I think anything else if it is all I have ever known?

And yet of course there are the brief moments of satisfaction when I am doing service for others — which is how I see my work, which makes my life meaningful.

Cure for depression? Ain’t one. But there is service, which is the cure for meaninglessness.

During the pandemic quarantine, I took up the guitar, but unlike most Covid hobbies, I've stuck with it, and gotten pretty good.

Getting good at something difficult results in great feelings, as you can imagine, but I wasn't prepared for how much better it made me feel. My self-esteem and confidence went through the roof, and made me realize that I've probably been operating under a low-grade depression for my entire life.

Sometimes we're depressed and don't even know it. You come to accept that it's just how you feel, and that's your life. You don't even know it can be better, until it is.

It's a generational thing. Your dad's generation didn't talk about mental health, so there was no such thing as mental health. If you had serious depression, you were just weak and grumpy. All you could do about depression was soldier through it. Now we talk about it and it's more accepted. Now we actually try to tackle the problems of mental health instead of tucking it away.

“You get used to it”

This is the drawer where I keep my various lengths of wire, and this is the compartment where I keep my crippling depression, fears, and anxiety. For the fucking love of satan don't open that up, I try to forget it exists. The last time I opened it up, it nearly ate me.

No, I'm fine, why do you ask?

Just like the opposite of addiction is not sobriety but connection, so the opposite of depression is not happiness but vitality.

Because that is what most depression saps out of people - the vitality to do things, to live life, and to give your own life meaning and the strength to forge ahead.

Sometimes people can handle depression on their own. Most of the time, however, help of some sort of help or assistance is needed. Never be afraid or let yourself be shamed for reaching out or accepting help, because we all need help once in a while. As the Good Captain once said, “It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.”

And while uncultivated ignorance can still be educated away, beware cultivated ignorance -- these people are maliciously ignorant, and are intentionally trying to hurt you.

“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation... A stereotyped but unconscious despair is concealed even under what are called the games and amusements of mankind. There is no play in them, for this comes after work. But it is a characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things..”

― Henry David Thoreau

That isn't normal?

I'm the dad and you're gay, son

Get it? The punchline is having no will to live! Hahaha ...

"oh that's how I've felt my whole life"

Fake: Anon's dad returned to the family home after "going out for some smokes"

Gay: Anon shares repressed feelings with another man

One day, I will most likely have this exact conversation with my kids.

Honestly, this is why I started smoking. Didn't stop until I had kids. Don't smoke tobacco, kids. It's whacko.