this post was submitted on 21 Jul 2025
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Another old shitpost I don't think I posted anywhere.

all 43 comments
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[–] rustydrd@sh.itjust.works 8 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

Fun fact: For a group of 13 skeletons attacking the same target, the probability that at least one of them crits is about 49%.

[–] No_Eponym@lemmy.ca 1 points 1 hour ago* (last edited 1 hour ago)

Am i correct to assume that Crit would do 10-16 damage (depending on if you go with 5 on a hit or 1d6+2)? Of non-magical slashing damage?

[–] mhague@lemmy.world 7 points 6 hours ago

13 skeletons is the max. To raise more you need a Bonelord. 13 Bonelords and you need a Lich. 13 Liches and you need a Titan.

After 13 Titans, 169 Liches, 2197 Bonelords, and 28561 skeletons... you reach Khali.

[–] TrojanRoomCoffeePot@lemmy.world 60 points 10 hours ago

Best part of skeletons? They don't get a share of party loot when the encounter is over, they just go back to dirtnap.

[–] Kyle_The_G@lemmy.world 45 points 11 hours ago (1 children)
[–] TrojanRoomCoffeePot@lemmy.world 36 points 10 hours ago (2 children)

Never? Your Wizard wearing two Rings of Fire Resistance?

[–] Kyle_The_G@lemmy.world 30 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

the only hit point that matters is the last one.

[–] TrojanRoomCoffeePot@lemmy.world 4 points 7 hours ago

What about the first 99 because your character has a CON of 18-20 and the Tough feat?

[–] ByteJunk@lemmy.world 3 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Is this just a meme, or not? I can't tell. I expect that as a proper, responsible tiefling pyromaniac, I'd always be touching myself - and occasionally casting Protection from Energy while I'm at it. Or keep Absorb Elements in my back pocket.

[–] TrojanRoomCoffeePot@lemmy.world 2 points 5 hours ago

I'll ask you to consider that not everyone plays Tieflings, or other races with fire resistance, as Wizards.

[–] Origen@lemmy.world 39 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

I'm so sick of this propaganda pushing the big skeleton agenda.

[–] rustyricotta@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 7 hours ago

Wait. I think you're on to something. Reanimate a BIG SKELETON

[–] tacosanonymous@mander.xyz 25 points 11 hours ago (4 children)

Is there a requirement that there needs to be 13 skeletons readily available? Also, does it work on fossilized remains?

[–] AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world 7 points 6 hours ago (2 children)

Technically, everyone in the vicinity, has at least one skeleton inside of them.

[–] No_Eponym@lemmy.ca 1 points 1 hour ago

Plasmoid says, "Ackchyually..."

[–] tacosanonymous@mander.xyz 1 points 2 hours ago

Don’t animate my bones, bro.

[–] Nalivai@discuss.tchncs.de 23 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

Always bring a cart full of bones with you everywhere you go. You will certainly not regret having a cart full of bones.

[–] nathanjent@programming.dev 3 points 6 hours ago

Why cart around a bunch of old bones when so many fresh sacks of bones willingly approach you? Some of them even follow beside you on your quests.

[–] spankmonkey@lemmy.world 41 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago) (3 children)

As a DM, my answer would be yes because it says animate not will into existence and yes because fossilized skeletons would look awesome.

[–] Mirodir@discuss.tchncs.de 28 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

And also because Animate Dead, the spell the blurb in the meme is from, reads:

Choose a pile of bones or a corpse of a Medium or Small humanoid within range. Your spell imbues the target with a foul mimicry of life, raising it as an undead creature. The target becomes a skeleton if you chose bones or a zombie if you chose a corpse (the DM has the creature's game statistics).

[–] neoman4426@fedia.io 18 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

Interestingly, as written the pile of bones can be any pile of bones, since the Humanoid restriction parses to only being applied to the corpse section, confirmed in the Sage Advice Compendium for 5e (the wording of the spell has not been substantially changed in 5.5 for that part, only changing what the group does when you don't issue a command. Though I don't think that's included in 5.5's SAC so far). So if you have enough, like, chicken bones to arrange into the size for the skeleton statblock, that RAW works.

[–] frezik@lemmy.blahaj.zone 15 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

If I was DM'ing, I might let you reanimate a pile of chicken bones, but you get a chicken skeleton with a chicken stat block.

[–] spankmonkey@lemmy.world 9 points 9 hours ago (2 children)

If I animate a wolf skeleton does it get a wolf statblock?

A version that can animate up to specific sizes and CRs when cast at a high enough level would be pretty neat.

[–] frezik@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

I'd say sure. It's not like the wolf statblock is crazy different from regular skeleton stats; it wouldn't be game breaking or anything.

RAW on Animated Dead doesn't strictly limit the size of the creature when it's a pile of bones, but I think keeping it to small/medium creatures is reasonable.

[–] spankmonkey@lemmy.world 3 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

D&D 5e does, not sure about other editions or other game systems off the top of my head.

Choose a pile of bones or a corpse of a Medium or Small Humanoid within range.

[–] frezik@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Well, that depends on how you group the statements.

Choose (a pile of bones) or (a corpse of a Medium or Small Humanoid) within range.

OR

Choose (a pile of bones) or (a corpse) of a Medium or Small Humanoid within range.

Though I suppose also:

Choose (a pile of bones) or (a corpse of a Medium or Small Humanoid within range).

Which would mean the bones version has unlimited range.

Yes, I am a programmer, why do you ask?

[–] spankmonkey@lemmy.world 1 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago)

Technically if the bones were all laid out flat they wouldn't count as a pile!

No reanimated a corpse from a grave without pulling the bones out and arranging them first.

[–] Zoomboingding@lemmy.world 1 points 9 hours ago

You get a wolf-sized humanoid skeleton

[–] TrojanRoomCoffeePot@lemmy.world 5 points 10 hours ago

+1 to AC because grave dirt is now rocks. I like it.

[–] ramble81@lemmy.zip 1 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

So what about golems then? Hopefully can be made from anything nearby.

[–] spankmonkey@lemmy.world 2 points 7 hours ago

I always saw those as something you made first and then animated, something that involved days to sculpt/construct.

[–] chuckleslord@lemmy.world 4 points 11 hours ago

Yes, and, surprisingly enough, also yes.

[–] Eiri@lemmy.ca 10 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

Wish, but for emulating other spells. Literally anything I want, of 8th level or lower, as if it was already prepared? So handy.

[–] spankmonkey@lemmy.world 10 points 11 hours ago (3 children)

"I wish for an army of skeletons!"

"Granted! Your army of 13 skeletons stands up from the battlefield..."

[–] Zoomboingding@lemmy.world 7 points 9 hours ago

Wish can consequence-free emulate any level 8 or lower spell. So you could get 11 worry-free skeletons, or risk never casting wish again if you need 13.

[–] skulblaka@sh.itjust.works 7 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

This is why I instead opt to carry scrolls of damn near every spell 8th level or lower.

It's a little bootleg compared to a real Wish, but in average circumstances I can give Batman a run for his money on being prepared for literally any eventuality.

[–] Eiri@lemmy.ca 3 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Hmm, that works, but only for spells in your class list. That won't allow you to cast legend lore as a wizard, for instance

[–] skulblaka@sh.itjust.works 2 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

RAW, yeah, you're right unfortunately. Our DM lets us make the DC check to cast a non-class scroll just like you'd make if you cast one too high level for you. Web searching tells me this is a popular homebrew rule.

I may be making him regret that decision somewhat.

[–] Eiri@lemmy.ca 2 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Isn't that killing the thief rogue subclass's use magic device ability?

[–] skulblaka@sh.itjust.works 1 points 6 hours ago

Little bit yeah. UMD is quite a bit more versatile than this though, ours is restricted to scrolls and requires a spellcaster check.

[–] Eiri@lemmy.ca 9 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

Ah, that's the risky use of Wish though. It comes with a chance of losing the spell forever.

[–] fluckx@lemmy.world 3 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago)

~~Wait. Doesn't that mean If you slot it in a lvl 9 slot you will animate~~

~~9 + ( 2 additional per level slot over 4 = 10 ) = 19 skeletons?~~

Edit: Never mind. It's 1 skeleton and 12 extra for being level 9. I assumed every level would also increase the number of skellies raised. My bad