this post was submitted on 26 Aug 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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top 22 comments
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[–] jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.works 21 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] nectar45@lemmy.zip 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Hope the Charmin Bears dont find you and kill you

[–] krunklom@lemmy.zip 3 points 4 months ago

Death by shit shit

[–] barnaclebutt@lemmy.world 10 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I don't know. If I was a bear and I just discovered toilet paper was a thing. I think I'd be pretty stoked about it.

[–] Formfiller@lemmy.world 4 points 4 months ago

Yea seriously. Just to back up your argument here’s a pile of bear poo I came across hiking. Shoe for scale

[–] Washedupcynic@lemmy.ca 9 points 4 months ago (5 children)

Does any one remember the toy and show, "care bears?" We should have toys and a cartoon called the Charmin bears. When the bears are defeating evil, they will yell, "Charmin bear shit," and then bend over to perform a perfectly synced team goatse followed by a super high pressure stream of diarrhea right into the evil doer which knocks the bad guy off his feet.

[–] krunklom@lemmy.zip 6 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

I truly believe the world needs more of this kind of flagrant lack of regard for decency, good taste, and morals when it concerns children.

It is the only reasonable counter to "won't somebody please think of the children?"

Like. Sure. This is what we think.

Just make the world so utterly polluted with shit that will ruin a happy childhood that parents will have mo choice but to actually be parents and everyone else can just go on with their fucking lives.

[–] sours@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Guy, we could legalize child soldiers tomorrow and as long as they promised to keep the kids from home 8 hours a day people would throw their kids at them.

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 4 points 4 months ago

Betcha it already exists and you just haven't checked the right sites.

[–] Cracks_InTheWalls@sh.itjust.works 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I appreciate you and wish you luck on your pitch to Corus.

[–] Washedupcynic@lemmy.ca 2 points 4 months ago

Thanks, it will have to be a joint venture with proctor and gamble.

[–] Soapbox@lemmy.zip 2 points 4 months ago

Sounds like a Robot Chicken sketch. Imagine it animated with claymation.

[–] i_dont_want_to@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 4 months ago

I love the Internet

[–] asteriskeverything@lemmy.world 9 points 4 months ago

Unpopular opinion: I prefer Scott. Doesn't clog toilets easily, doesn't leave a bunch of crud after wiping (I've heard it called clitter but that is gender and region specific. Conveys the idea though) Also is cheaper and lasts longer. I'm sorry so many buttholes feel the need for this stuff

[–] Nikls94@lemmy.world 6 points 4 months ago (2 children)

When charmin killed the bear they killed their revenue.

That bear was an icon, a symbol of soft toilet paper and a clean asshole. No ripped paper, no surprise on your hand, just a soft and strong piece of TP.

[–] ObviouslyNotBanana@piefed.world 10 points 4 months ago

NO BEAR, GO BROKE. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!

[–] Mobiuthuselah@mander.xyz 3 points 4 months ago

When did they do that? Maybe it's confabulation, but I could swear I've seen commercials on streaming in the last year.

I've had a bidet since right before COVID (coincidentally and conveniently,) so maybe I'm just confused. It was surprising when I found out there was a toilet paper shortage in the US, then finally seeing the empty shelves, but checked the cabinet and after seeing a few rolls realized we were fine for a while. At least a dozen friends installed them soon after based on our feedback, and I know of at least three dozen through them. All bidet, e'ry bidet!

[–] KarlHungus42@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago

I don’t mind the bear characters, but I hate these commercials because they are a constant reminder that a statistically significant number of people are not fucking wiping their assholes properly and are perpetually traveling down skid row.

[–] Red0ctober@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago
[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemmy.zip 1 points 4 months ago

Anti-bidet propaganda ursine gets paid well by the tp lobby, still shits in the woods.

[–] spicehoarder@lemmy.zip 1 points 4 months ago

Does a bear poop in the woods?

[–] DarkFuture@lemmy.world 1 points 4 months ago

The commercials make me very uncomfortable. But I think about them from time to time, so I guess Charmin wins.