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Is Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets better than The Fifth Element?
(blenderdumbass.org)
No.
this post was submitted on 01 Oct 2025
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God no.
It's got some cool parts, but it is overall super forgettable and lame.
I gotta read the books or whatever it came from because the world is what made 5th Element so awesome. They show you this tiny little glipse of an incredibly insane future, and I want to know more about it.
It is French Comic Book Series that has numerous volumes that were published over the course of 40ish years starting in the 1960s.
I stopped watching Valerian because I was so unbelievably bored.
Also, you're really gonna pay yourself on the back and say you're "review and critique" of The Fifth Element was good and well-rounded?
Fuck off.
I watch way too many movies to think about what I write too deeply. My ritual is: watch a movie, and as quickly as I can dump my feelings about it into a review. My reviews tend to be a little emotional and rambly because of it.
Damn, that's a terrible system.
You should stop "reviewing" and get some friends whom you enjoy talking about movies with.
I do both. There is like 1 and a half people that read my rambly reviews regularly. That one guy I know of really starts to like my latest few reviews where I come up with wild theories for why the films are the way they are. Like I go and speculate some stuff based on the director's personal life or the writer's other work. Or like I had a whole Michael Bay marathon and then a Jerry Bruckheimer marathon. And now I suppose I'm having a Luc Besson marathon. And Luc had enough bad shit crazy stuff in his life, which is gold for wild conspiracy theories. So I keep pumping those.
I enjoy writing them. There is at least one guy that enjoys reading them. So I guess I gonna keep doing it for a while.
One of the wildest theories was that based on the 1974 film "Gone in 60 seconds" you can see that Kill Bill volume 1 is Tarantino flips off Jerry Bruckheimer.
BWAHAHAHA
Absolutely not. The Fifth Element is one of the GOATS. Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets is a steaming pile of Dogshit.
I say this as someone who's read the comics and was really looking forward to this movie:
It was not good.
Mostly, I think it was horribly miscast and the pacing was weird (as I recall).
100% agree. Also read all the comics. The leads looked like teenagers, lost in an adult movie. And there was zero chemistry between them.
The movie effects were pretty decent, but they should have picked a different story to introduce people to this universe.
Fifth Element also had Gary Oldman and Chris Tucker. You can't go wrong there.
It also didn't help that the movie spent half an hour with sidequests that were utterly irrelevant to the plot.
Before you click on the blog, know this writer's review of Fifth Element contained a lengthy ramble defending pedophilia.
Just as an FYI, there was no way I was EVER going to follow a link to anyone's self-referenced blog when that person could have posted the content HERE but instead decided they need more clicks elsewhere, but now that you've said there's a defense of pedophilia?!? I have to go look exactly once to see which of you is full of shit and in what quantities.