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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/MarxistMountainGoat on 2025-11-12 14:50:56+00:00.
I'm trying to up my veggie intake so for dinner I thought, why not a kale salad? I added 2 cups of raw kale to a bowl with chicken sausage, carrot sticks, an egg, red onion, mushrooms, cubed cheese, and balsamic, blissfully unaware that 2 hours later I would be experiencing excruciating gut pain. Turns out you're supposed to introduce dark leafy greens to your diet slowly because they're so high in fiber that they can shock your digestive system, and that's exactly what happened to me. What started off as some minor gas pain while I scrolled through Tiktok on my phone quickly turned into me doubled over, writhing and curled up into a ball feeling like I was going to puke from the pain in my disgetive tract. It felt like someone was stabbing my intestines and colon repeatedly with a knife until I eventually ran to the toilet and... Yeah. Now I'm lying here and the worst pain has passed but I'm still feeling very sore. I will definitely eat less raw kale the next time I make a salad.
TL;DR: I ate too much kale and the fiber content shocked my gut like a defibrillator was being pressed to my insides.