Ask Lemmy

It's a parents job to love the child. The child didn't ask to born. If they love the parent back it makes it MUCH easier. But the fundamental job doesn't change if the kid has a bad day/week/month or year.

Growing up comes in stages, some of which are difficult for both parents and children to navigate.

When your kids are little, you're the center of their universe and they are dependent on you for everything.

They grow up and become more independent. It's a natural process as they prepare for adulthood. Their desire for autonomy develops without the benefit of experience. That can lead to conflicts.

Some of it is hard to take. Especially when your kid is telling you that "you don't know what you're talking about" or "I don't need your help." It makes you feel angry in the moment because it's disrespectful and dismissive of your own experience. When I'm standing there, glowering angrily, I'm trying to think of what to say that doesn't make things worse. Meanwhile, in my head I'm thinking, "Listen you little shit. You don't know anything about anything. If you want to disregard what I'm telling you, fine. You can learn that you're wrong the hard way."

Then it makes you sad because you know that they will, in fact, have to learn the hard way. The hard way is painful. You know because you learned that way too when you were that age. But we learn from our own mistakes. Not from those of our parents. At least not when we're young.

Love is not a feeling. Love has feelings connected to it but at its core, love is an act.

I loved my kids when they were adorable newborns. And when they screamed half the night and had explosive diarrhea.

When they come running, excited to see me and wanting to play. And when they're being naughty little shits whom I've told to stop doing something seven times already.

When they're telling me I'm a jerk because I won't let them go to some party at some shithead from schools house because I know there will be drugs and alcohol involved. And when they need a hug because their boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with them or they're just having a rough day.

Love means trying to do what's best for them whether you're happy, disappointed, or angry with them. Whether you like them or not. And there are definitely moments when you will NOT like your kids. But you still love them and want them to have a good life.

I have two. One calls me daily and stops by a few times per week. The other one quit talking to us in July. I love them both. I hope the distant one is doing well and returns to us when he's ready. His brother is missing him and that's hard.

I love my kid.

I do want to punch her in the face sometimes when she's being a cunt screeching (literally) about food and is being a bastard about it. This is all normal for most families, it just can't escalate to action.

No, I love them unconditionally. But the level of affection I show change according to certain parameters, one of them being how much they are affectionate themselves. Affection is not the only way to show love, though.

I'm a dad of 3 and I love then unconditionally until the end of times. Protecting them from harm and preparing them for life (which is protection for their future) is my number one priority. Showing them affection and getting it from them is very important to me and them, but as they age it gets harder for them to show they like and need affection. So I let the older ones come to me and offer affection and advice always, even when she is exploding and emotional at times. I never force it and it usually doesn't happen, but offering helps her see that I love her even in these difficult situations.

I assume you are from an Asian background. So the expectations can be pretty heavy I hear. Remember that this probably comes from what they experienced and what they want for you. There is sometimes the expectation of children taking care of their parents when they age. And that is usually a cultural thing.

As a parent I often wish my oldest would just talk to me and we figure out together what she needs in this situation. My age and experience should count for something but I need to be open to understand her situation and allow her to make her own decisions up to a point. Instead there is a lot of shouting and throwing doors closed and I usually wait until she calms down and then go try talk to her.

I will always love my kid. I can be angry or frustrated with him. but I will love him nonetheless.

...depending on if. ..

No. There is no 'if' in love.

My son has literally said he doesn't love me (I overheard him, he didn't say so to my face). But I still love him.

I love them the same no matter what, but some parents are not like that. Particularly narcissistic parents base their relationships with their children around conditional love. This teaches the child that they need to have certain qualities in order to deserve love, which can then turn the child into a narcissist.