Mental Health

they aren’t trained counselors

Because that's what their parents told them

Bear with me for a minute. Parents spend a lot of time dealing with your “traumas” at a young age, which somewhat entrains this response. As a 2 year old, the wind blew the leaf you picked up on the walk out of your hands. At 8, you didn’t get the cookie you really wanted. At 12 the boy you like made fun of your hair. These are upsetting to the child but it’s also part of a learning experience to help adjust to real life disappointments.

Sometimes your parents can’t tell the difference between a childish disappointment and a traumatic experience. They don’t see the world in your eyes. They do deal with a variety of their own issues and trauma inducing experiences, and as there’s no mandatory training course for raising a child, they don’t know how to help you through things that upset you. Usually, they care about you. But they don’t always have the emotional capacity to provide the level of support you think you need.

"Just move on!", they say.
And when you take that advice by moving on your way, they're upset with your decision bc it's not their way.

I know it varies from person to person, but some trauma that happens does need to be acknowledged and then moved past.

An elderly pet dying? Yeah, that is just an inevitable part of life and can be traumatic but eventually there is a need to move past it. Even a surprise death from a young pet needs to eventually be dealt with, because that kind of thing happens. Therapy shouldn't really be needed for things that are just part of how the world works, but sometimes it is.

Sexual abuse or a parent dying in a tragic accident? There should not be an expectation that someone 'just moves past it'.

Its not at all in the past. Peoples experiences completely shape their behaviour and view of the world for life. Its so much not just "in the past" its ridiculous. Its in the past, presence and future and might define your life if not properly dealt with.

No one has really answered the question yet, so here it is:

It's generational. They're using the tools to cope they were given by their parents, their parents before them, and so on.

People taking mental health more seriously is breaking that cycle but it is hard for parents to go against how they were taught to react. As kids, they were told to take their trauma and shove it down, get over it, and don't talk about it. They made it through their young adult years so they think this must be good advice. However, they fail to recognize their own trauma they've been carrying around for 30 years.

My parents made some huge mistakes when I was growing up but I don't blame them, I say they the did the best they could with the tools they were given and I believe that. If I believed they didn't do their best then the things they did wrong would be nefarious and that would be evil. My parents aren't evil people, one was raised by a hard ass alcoholic. They were shaped by that dysfunction.

They need to know you're struggling but they need to hear it in a way they understand. If you're in school, talk to a counselor and see what resources are available to you. If you have a job, see if they have an employee assistance program (EAP), HR will know.

Good luck.

Let it go,

Let it go,

Can't hold it back anymore...

Let it go,

Let it go,

Turn my back and slam the door!

And here I stand,

And here I stay,

Let it go,

Let it go,

The cold never bothered me anyway!

Because they haven't processed any of their own traumas and just keep repressing them.

Anyone who has actually done any work on themselves in any real and meaningful way will not say this to you.

just take drugs, it will help you

Sometimes you need a professional instead of a parent. We're not trained to navigate trauma, but we'll support you the best we can.

"Get the fuck over it." is often all we got.