The Onion

(Washington DC) As Trump makes comments of “armadas sailing beautifully” while threatening Iran, White House watchers are noting a different trend in his speeches, and suspect plagiarism.

On Tuesday, in a speech on banning gun laws, trump said, “I’m letting the days go by, I’m not letting the waters hold me back. We have countries dissolving… countries removing… there’s a country at the bottom of the ocean, Atlantis, I believe, and they have to carry the water on their heads, and it’s very heavy.”

“Well that’s clearly The Talking Heads,” said Ari Shapiro, from NPR in live commentary on the speech. “He’s even flailing around. This is clearly intended to distract from the dire message banning gun laws.”

Not so, said Karoline Leavitt at a press conference later Tuesday evening. “The president is as healthy and clear minded as he has been for years, and will always be the same as he ever was. He is free as a bird now, to lead the American people to victory.” White House Advisor Steven Miller attempted to then quote Jay-Z, but was stopped by every white person present.

Experts are unsure if the erratic behavior is trump being trump, or if this is an intentional distraction by the White House, as more Epstein files are being released. “I mean, 1,000 monkeys with typewriters, right?” said one expert who asked not to be named for fear of reprisals. “How similar the mind of this president is to a 3-day song writing binge on LSD is something I’m sure future generations will study.”

Not all are worried about the president’s lyric speech. Leo Sturbgetter, a cow detangler in Alabama, said, “wow, I never thought about how people in Atlantis have all that water over them. That’s deep. That’s… deep. I need to think about this, I’m having a moment.”

David Bryne could not be reached for comment.