The Onion

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The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

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founded 3 years ago
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seahorse@midwest.social
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listing: all - local
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Man Can’t Believe He Has To Download Stupid App Just To Bribe President (theonion.com)
submitted 1 hour ago by ZeroCool@lemmy.ca to c/theonion@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
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Experts Confirm You Are The Only Person On Earth Who Can Safely Text And Drive (babylonbee.com)
submitted 2 hours ago by miss_demeanour@lemmy.dbzer0.com to c/theonion@midwest.social
3 comments fedilink
3
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DEA Officials Confirm Elon Musk’s Ketamine Habit the Single Most Effective Way to Make Drugs Look Uncool (thehardtimes.net)
submitted 4 hours ago by ZeroCool@lemmy.ca to c/theonion@midwest.social
5 comments fedilink
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DHS: South Sudan Deportations A Lot More Humane When You Learn What Stephen Miller Wanted To Do (theonion.com)
submitted 1 day ago by inclementimmigrant@lemmy.world to c/theonion@midwest.social
7 comments fedilink
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New Mission Impossible film to feature Tom Cruise escaping from Church of Scientology (newsthump.com)
submitted 2 days ago by ZeroCool@lemmy.ca to c/theonion@midwest.social
8 comments fedilink
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Pod of Orcas Ignored as Ferry Passengers Marvel at Rare Cargo Ship Entering Port of Seattle (theneedling.com)
submitted 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) by ZeroCool@lemmy.ca to c/theonion@midwest.social
1 comments fedilink
 
 

Lucky ferry passengers, who were almost too distracted by a pod of orcas breaching in Elliott Bay, caught a rare glimpse today of a single cargo ship entering the Port of Seattle.

“I can’t believe it! I’ve been wanting to see any sign of normal economic activity and international trade since the Port of Seattle emptied weeks ago due to tariffs and finally I’m seeing it with my own eyes!” said one passenger in a video circulating on social media today of a gigantic rusted container ship gliding into Seattle.

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Elon Musk Announces Plans To Step Back From Fatherhood (theonion.com)
submitted 3 days ago by inclementimmigrant@lemmy.world to c/theonion@midwest.social
14 comments fedilink
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Teacher Asks What First Graders Want To Be Once Child Labor Laws Repealed (theonion.com)
submitted 4 days ago by ZeroCool@lemmy.ca to c/theonion@midwest.social
18 comments fedilink
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"Grocery Store’s Meat Section Misted With Fresh Blood Every Few Minutes" (veganism.social)
submitted 1 week ago by veganpizza69@veganism.social to c/theonion@midwest.social
8 comments fedilink
 
 

"Grocery Store’s Meat Section Misted With Fresh Blood Every Few Minutes"

https://theonion.com/grocery-stores-meat-section-misted-with-fresh-blood-every-few-minutes/

by @theonion

#satire

#meat

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New Indiana Law Requires All Porn Viewers To Register As Sex Offenders (theonion.com)
submitted 1 week ago by cm0002@lemmy.world to c/theonion@midwest.social
46 comments fedilink
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Had to check that one wasn’t (eupolicy.social)
submitted 1 week ago by 1br0wn@eupolicy.social to c/theonion@midwest.social
1 comments fedilink
 
 

Had to check that one wasn’t @theonion
From: @feed
https://www.404media.co/closure-ink-ai-chatbot-ghosted-ex/

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Baby Saves Affair (theonion.com)
submitted 1 week ago by TheImpressiveX@lemm.ee to c/theonion@midwest.social
3 comments fedilink
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Grandma AirTagged (theonion.com)
submitted 1 week ago by jbk@discuss.tchncs.de to c/theonion@midwest.social
1 comments fedilink
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Gavin Newsom Sits Down For Podcast With Serial Killer Who Targets Homeless (theonion.com)
submitted 1 week ago by seahorse@midwest.social to c/theonion@midwest.social
8 comments fedilink
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You People Made Me Give Up My Peanut Farm Before I Got To Be President (theonion.com)
submitted 1 week ago by inclementimmigrant@lemmy.world to c/theonion@midwest.social
15 comments fedilink
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Artificial Intelligence Could Never Do My Job, Because It Can’t Microdose Ketamine Before Board Meetings (www.mcsweeneys.net)
submitted 1 week ago by sundray@lemmus.org to c/theonion@midwest.social
2 comments fedilink
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Reaganomics Finally Trickles Down To Area Man (theonion.com)
submitted 2 weeks ago by jballs@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social
2 comments fedilink
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Clips from the Victory Day Parade in Moscow. (i.imgur.com)
submitted 2 weeks ago by Cephalotrocity@biglemmowski.win to c/theonion@midwest.social
7 comments fedilink
 
 

Cross-posted from "Clips from the Victory Day Parade in Moscow." by @LaFinlandia@sopuli.xyz in !ukraine@sopuli.xyz

Mirror

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USS Clinton skipper claims he did not have international relations in South China Sea (www.duffelblog.com)
submitted 2 weeks ago by SomeAmateur@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social
2 comments fedilink
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MAGA fans preparing to storm St. Peter’s Basilica should Trump lose conclave (newsthump.com)
submitted 2 weeks ago by sundray@lemmus.org to c/theonion@midwest.social
30 comments fedilink
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Increasingly Powerful Trans Person Capable Of Using Every Single Bathroom At Once (theonion.com)
submitted 2 weeks ago by seahorse@midwest.social to c/theonion@midwest.social
46 comments fedilink
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Mark Carney forced to wear Justin Trudeau mask by Melania Trump (infosec.pub)
submitted 2 weeks ago by Delta_V@lemmy.world to c/theonion@midwest.social
4 comments fedilink
 
 

source

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Vatican’s papal conclave kicks off with heated debate about hottest new choirboy (newsthump.com)
submitted 2 weeks ago by ZeroCool@lemmy.ca to c/theonion@midwest.social
4 comments fedilink
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Most durable Tesla product (infosec.pub)
submitted 2 weeks ago by seahorse@midwest.social to c/theonion@midwest.social
10 comments fedilink
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Man Gets Best Ideas In Splash Zone (theonion.com)
submitted 2 weeks ago by jbk@discuss.tchncs.de to c/theonion@midwest.social
2 comments fedilink
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