A community for discussing dating.
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Get out of the car and at least open the car door if not go to the front door to knock/ring door bell.
At least offer to walk her to the door or wait till she get inside to leave. Offering shows you care about their independence but also their safety.
Art gallery I would suggest something dessier than suede basketball shorts. But really depends on what kind of art gallery.
I think they said suede gym shoes - but I can't for the life of me imagine such a thing (suede and gym shoes just don't go together in my mind, lol).
But it depends on the outfit - if the jeans are black and the flannel shirt is collared and long-sleeves and looked "nice", I could imagine that outfit working - but mostly I would imagine for an art gallery jeans and flannel seems underdressed.
sneakers can be very dressy these days, and more costly than dress shoes.
if they are fashion sneakers it's fine, not if they are $60 cheapos.
lol they are those new balance trainers I thought they were suede
I assumed autocorrect "fixed" shorts to shoes, because why not. But you are right. One is implausible and the other under dressed for the occasion.
oh, that makes so much more sense - thanks for explaining it for me (I feel dumb) 😅
3rd date is good. Just be yourself because it got you this far. Do what feels natural. Only advice is don't talk too much of yourself, but make it a 2 way conversation. Good luck.
I'd be friendly casual, by the sound of it. If you pick her up and walk to the car with passenger side closest, maybe open the door for her with a minor goofy flourish. See if she laughs a bit - it's good to break initial awkwardness. It's also ok to admit that you weren't sure about the etiquette (this is not because it's your first third date, but because everyone is different). She'll probably tell you it's fine without, or that it's cute, etc. try to listen to how people want to be treated. If date is goes well, you can offer to walk her to the door - I recommend being verbal and brave but not pushy for everything after that.
As for clothes, it all depends, but look in a full length mirror and make sure you're wearing something that helps you feel confident in the setting.
For after-date texting, your call. It depends a lot on your baseline texting relationship and if you even liked it enough to want to date her again!
There's a lot of mythos about third dates, but you can navigate how much weight it has - some relationships move slower, some move faster. Being honest without overbearing is generally the best approach.
GLHF!
That’s good to know, I thought like you had to be fully confiedent but I agree being honest about not being sure about the etiquette is a good move.
And as for walking to the door would I be like “if you’d like I can walk you to the door”?
Also if I want to try holding her hand say if we cross the street should I nonchalantly stick it out?
Thing about dating advice is its so dependent on the people involved. The hug thing. Kinda depends on you and her. You have to go with your feelings and gut. As far as holding doors and other polite things its rarely a bad idea but again I have known some girls who almost take offense at it but that is incredibly rare. I would say if whe does something polite like holding a door you don't insist you do it. Be gracious with her things as you would want her to be with yours. Again its rarely a negative to dress up but truth be told I tend to dress as comfortable as I can get away with but that is a me thing. When it comes to relationships if its first dates or thirds or one year anniversaries ; my advice is you have to be earnest. I mean I believe this in life in general. You need to be who you are and she needs to be who she is and if it goes it goes and if it does not it does not. I did not really date until after high school and I was about the same as you are at in some ways. A bit earlier but given the generational differences im not sure if realtive to my peers I might have been more of a late bloomer. Anyway I have been married about 25 years.
Being myself is what I’ve been trying and so far seems to be good. Like she asked if my humor is how I flirt and I said yes. And she wasn’t sure if I was interested or trying to be a friend but I assured her I’m interested (assuming it’s good too since she still talks with me). Because to me I love making others laugh and humors always helped me and I’d rather be my goofy self than the charsmatic flirter I’m really not.
Getting this far in dating for the first time too is just very nerve racking lol
Sense of humor is a pretty big deal in a guy. Some say its more important than looks but I think it acts more as a looks enhancer. Good luck.
I would let her initiate any physical contact like a hug.
As others have said, get out of your car and ring the doorbell, then open the passenger door for her. These aren't strict rules, it would just be a general courtesy thing. It's best to pay attention to what she responds to, whether she prefers you open doors for her or not, etc. Ultimately this is about what works for her (and for you), and less about doing everything "right" (there is no universally right way to approach this).
Opening the door from the inside could feel like you aren't excited to see her, or can't be bothered to get out of your car to greet her. Letting her open it while you sit in the driver's seat similarly feels "chilly" like you're disinterested.
What if she lives in an apartment? Buzz her down?
You could do that, or you could text her once you're there and wait beside your car? It depends on whether she usually gets your texts quickly ... you could also let her know when you're on your way and let her know you plan to text once you're there? That way she knows what to expect, and she has an opportunity to voice her preferences.
But also these are small potatoes, maybe you're just overthinking it because you're anxious and don't want to "screw up"?
Yup pretty much. We’ve been texting since last month and say things like “well hopefully we can flirt more often” or “hopefully we can learn more about each other” and I’m worried I’ll screw up despite the hints she would still like to continue further
I get that; I guess it might be helpful to remind yourself that small mistakes or breaks in etiquette are rarely that impactful; also might be helpful to remember she seems interested and is continuing to text you and go out on dates - hopefully that creates some amount of security that small mistakes won't matter?
It does I’m just both excited and nervous though Cindy I’ve never gotten this far lol.
And I’m trying to be optimistic on the I believe good signs like her telling some friends she found someone she vibes with, saying hopefully I can pick her up on future dates, etc. (I feel I might be overthinking this as good)
Above all, its the third date, she’s choosing to continue. You can relax and enjoy it - that says more than anything else.
Absolutely get out of the car and open the door for her, offer your hand to help her in, shut the door for her. I’d save the hug for later, and on date 3 if yall have fun I don’t think a kiss or more is out of order - but it usually comes more naturally after spending a few hours together.
As far as drop off, I’d personally not be wanting the date to end, and if she likes you she probably won’t either, so keep it going including random offer to get ice cream, look at the stars, listen to music, etc. walk her to the door when you must, and that’s a great point to say you want to see her again and get close - chemistry is a thing, go with it.
dress however, but self-aware, not over the top but never like a slob.
A few days after the plan for third date we talked and I did ask if she’d like to get lunch and she said yeah however she told me she has her moms bday late afternoon (not sure if that means good cuz she wants to go out still in morning or bad cuz she doesn’t want to be out longer)
As for dressing I want to look good but not sure if my casual style would be good for the date cuz someone said “oh you should wear an adult shirt not flannel”