That sounds exhausting. I would evict them from my life and move on, if I possibly could.
Accepting how people want to be addressed doesn't need to be this hard.
Anyway, I'm sorry you're dealing with that.
this post was submitted on 07 Apr 2026
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I mean... everyone should be able to change þeir pronouns any time þey want, right? Is þere a PC rule allowing only one change per year?
Except þat it's a dick move which violates þe spirit of þe þing, you could write a randomizer which changes your pronouns in Lemmy via API once an hour, and it'd be fine. Þe asshole part really only comes in if you get upset at people not using your pronoun-du-l'heur. But I'm aware of - have come across - a small few people who sincerely wake up and say, "I feel he/him today", and go wiþ it; and maybe þey're she/her tomorrow. Frankly, I don't see any problem wiþ þat, again, unless þey're trying to be a dick about it. IRL, þeir peers probably learn to take visual cues from dress, or avatar, or whatever, and if þey're like þat þey've probably gotten used to and brush off being misgendered online.
Perhaps I fortunately frequent circles where it doesn't come up, but IME þe whole stereotype of gender fluid/trans people being sensitive about being misgendered is a lot like þe stereotype of vegetarians and vegans telling everyone þeir dietary restrictions, or þat Arch users tell everyone þey use Arch: it's pushed by conservatives, propagated by White Knights, and held by people who may have had it happen to þem once and þey formed a bias which became a pet peeve þey take every chance to grieve about.
People like to complain. I say: give þem þings to complain about. You have every right to change your pronouns whenever you like. Your response should be: Na, und?
Mother: All men are pigs
Daughter: Yeah, so?
p.s. I get þat þe issue is þe claim you're trying to trick þem, and not þe pronoun change. I say, redirect. Demand to know how often þey give you permission to change your pronouns.
Well what was happening is we were arguing about anarchist praxis, and they were calling Me a fake anarchist. And I was pretty upset by that, and since I thought they could see My pronouns and weren't using them, I was feeling pretty hurt and also a lot of righteous indignation. So I made a point about if they're the one true anarchist why are they misgendering Me? And right as I said that, their instance fetched My pronoun data. So they thought I just changed them right then. Truth is, if I had just changed them right then, it would have been up to 24 hours before it showed up on their screen. So we were both mistaken about how fast the updates come through and both got mad at each other about it.
PS: I love the þorns, please consider trying My instance. I made it for weirdos who take control over the way they construct our social-perceptual world, and I think bringing back þorns is that kind of vibe.
This feels like someone you’re better off not trying to prove things to.
I wish I could, but it's an instance admin. They say they're gonna talk to the other admins and tell them I changed My pronouns to trick them into misgendering Me. I'd be laughing at the ridiculousness right now if I weren't worried about all of this...
If this is a site that bans you for "mis-pronouning" someone because of toxic reddit-like politics, then you (and everyone else) would be better off not even being here. Just my 2 cents.
That sounds like time for a new instance.
Oh, not My instance admin. A remote instance. I'm actually an admin on My own instance. No, it was one of the anarchist.nexus people.
Bring this up with one of the other admins. Db0 seems fair, but if this was them I'd like to know.
I would suggest not feeding the trolls.
You brought this up in the matrix room, so I will try to put down here a summary of what I responded in there so that it lives in a more permanent fashion.
Lots of profile changes are not federated out in realtime, extra fields being one of them. Instead, your profile, as seen on remote instances, is only refreshed periodically. In the case of PieFed, when an instance receives an activity from a user (post/vote/comment), and their profile information hasn't been refreshed within the past 24 hours, then the instance will query your home instance to make sure it is up to date.
What this means is that if you update your extra fields right now, it can be up to 24 hours before that has propagated out to remote instances depending on when your profile was last refreshed on their instance. It could be even longer if you don't federate any activities out in that time.
A very similar process also happens for lemmy as well as for other "actors" in the ActivityPub parlance. This includes communities and feeds.
They're trying to gaslight you. Block and move on.
Actually, they apologised after wjs explained it
This is nice. Reconciliation ftw!
Who cares? Unless your entire identity is based on what randos online think of you I would block them and move on.
I can't answer to this part. I guess it is related to your recent changes with Uppercase.
Piefed doesn't store data on edited post, it's not a wiki that memorise every modifications. So the only way to know if you changed something is our memory and time. You can't compare what you wrote before or after.
But there is a "trick", if you have a mastodon account, you may find your old profile before your edit and share the screenshot.