this post was submitted on 25 Aug 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

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-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

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Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

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[–] hash@slrpnk.net 56 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Do they both flee the scene only to run headfirst into each other behind someone's barn?

[–] eurodyne@piefed.world 9 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Unknown, because they both had so much stolen meth in their cars, when they collided, they both exploded into a fireball that wiped out everything within a half a mile radius

Truly kismet

[–] UnrefinedChihuahua@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I'm not sure that's how meth works.

[–] eurodyne@piefed.world 11 points 1 week ago (5 children)
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[–] Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world 36 points 1 week ago (1 children)

🎵

He was a boy, she was a girl

Can I make it any more obvious?

He stole a van, she stole a car

They wouldn't get far

[–] MacNCheezus@lemmy.today 13 points 1 week ago

He drove to fast, she did as well

Now they’re both rotting in a cell

[–] NatakuNox@lemmy.world 31 points 1 week ago

Porn Directors:

[–] hydrashok@sh.itjust.works 26 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Two households, both alike in dignity,

In fair Oregon, where we lay our scene…

[–] Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world 18 points 1 week ago

But soft, what grill through yonder windshield breaks?

It is a car, and Juliet's at the wheel.

[–] hopesdead@startrek.website 21 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Not a comedy, but David Cronenberg has a erotic thriller called Crash which is about people who get involved in car crashes.

No I haven’t seen it.

[–] bashibazouk@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago

I thought it much more interesting than the more famous "Crash" movie...

[–] Seimhe@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago

I remember when that came out. I never saw it either for some reason, even though I had rented almost everything else in that video shop.

[–] DagwoodIII@piefed.social 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] Tomato666@lemmy.sdf.org 1 points 1 week ago

It's quite strange and will probably reveal a new kink for your consideration.

[–] Warl0k3@lemmy.world 17 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Man, I wouldn't want to be the insurance agent on this one...

[–] Generica@lemmy.world 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You got your grand theft auto in my grand theft larceny!

No! You got your grand theft larceny in my grand theft auto!

[–] LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I've got a rule I always tell people. Never commit a misdemeanor when commiting a felony. (Doesn't have to be a misdimeanor but the point is, if you're driving a stolen car, don't run a red light)

[–] DagwoodIII@piefed.social 7 points 1 week ago

Someone said 'drive it like you stole it' should mean going just under the speed limit and signaling all turns.

[–] FreddiesLantern@leminal.space 11 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

this summer

"Are you ok?"

love is a story

"Were you even paying attention?!!"

of two souls

"It was brand new ffs!!"

colliding on their journey

"Oh just great, how the hell do I explain this to the insurance company? Let alone my parents!"

to their destinations

"EYES ON THE ROAD OR UP HERE ASSHOLE!!"

get ready for

My summer crash

[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 11 points 1 week ago (1 children)

She looks too put together for this to be a mug shot.

Dress for the job you want, not the one you have. That's why I always wear a spacesuit to the office.

[–] Microtonal_Banana@lemmy.zip 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] chunes@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I am amazed this is actually real

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[–] nieceandtows@programming.dev 8 points 1 week ago

Game recognizes game

[–] DagwoodIII@piefed.social 8 points 1 week ago

[off topic]

https://bookshop.org/p/books/crooks-a-novel-about-crime-and-family-lou-berney/9adeae44e41a81b9?ean=9780063445574&bkshp-astro=t

Crooks, a Novel About Crime And Family.

A minor Mafioso sees a woman stealing out of her boss's cash register. They end up married with a flock of kids.

Fun novel with lots of crazy twists and turns. And a disco!

[–] blimthepixie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 1 week ago

Oregano in 60 seconds

[–] RaoulDuke25@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 1 week ago

She can fix me

[–] whereitsat@lemmy.zip 6 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

that's what 'i love boosters' should have been about. it should have been an homage to 'you've got mail' and 'shop around the corner.'

the plot would center on two individuals who boost kias. in real life they're rivals because they often try and target the same car, but on social media they constantly agree with each other and upvote each others posts.

they could form a union before they even realize this fact and it's figured out when they both snoop on each others phone and check their socials.

there's so much room in this plot for parody, satire and social commentary.

[–] bibbasa@piefed.social 5 points 1 week ago

a match made in heaven

[–] CalypsoGirl@lemmy.today 5 points 1 week ago (3 children)

But they're both in separate prisons and never got to meet each other due to injuries & separate ambulances & police intervention. There's no romance here.

[–] lolrightythen@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

What if their ambulances crash into each other?

[–] nieceandtows@programming.dev 2 points 1 week ago

Depends. Were the ambulances stolen as well?

[–] DagwoodIII@piefed.social 1 points 1 week ago

Prisoners can write letters. I don't know if you can make a legal phone call from one jail to another, but cell phones get smuggled in all the time.

[–] Skyrmir@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

Isn't this the same state that had a naked knife wielding guy get in a fight with a naked knife wielding guy?

Nope wait, that was Seattle, my bad whole different state.

[–] nilloc@discuss.tchncs.de 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Did they confirm both cars were actually stolen, and not just that ALPRs had fucked up and reported the played wrong?

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[–] cloudshouter@lemmy.zip 4 points 1 week ago

They are going to drive the “meet cute” genera until the wheels come off.

[–] FinalRemix@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Make sure it stars Kyle Gallner.

[–] olejellylegs@lemmy.zip 3 points 1 week ago

“Buckle up cause I drive real fucking fast!”

[–] gergolippai@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan.

[–] DagwoodIII@piefed.social 2 points 1 week ago

Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton [back when they were married]

[–] SethTaylor@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

Ryan Gosling and Emily Blunt

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

They make a nice couple.

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