this post was submitted on 28 Aug 2026
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Autism

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Hi, since I've started using Lemmy, I've been running into the same people and having something approaching a relationship with them--even if it's mostly imaginary.

It got me to wondering if there's a community or form of community available on the internet that I haven't tried yet that might actually lead to something approaching having friends.

So far Discord has been extremely meh; but I've heard of Mastodon and Peertube and Matrix and all kinds of weird stuff that is outside the mainstream.

Anyone have better success with different protocols?

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[–] AVincentInSpace@pawb.social 2 points 2 days ago

I've had success building relationships with individual Mastodon users, interacting and commenting on each other's posts for a while, becoming mutuals, then sending a DM along the lines of

"Hey! I noticed we follow each other, and I'd like to get to know you better! What are your interests?"

and building from there. The conversation usually moves to a chat platform fairly quickly (if it manages to continue) and I've started a friendship or two that way.

Meeting people in Matrix spaces is still my go-to, though.

[–] _haha_oh_wow_@sh.itjust.works 13 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I've always preferred forums over chat, but that's me.

[–] acockworkorange@mander.xyz 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Persistent chat media like XMPP and Matrix are a decent middle ground, but I too, generally prefer the organization of topics of forums.

[–] schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Me, too. The problem with forums is usually they get really big and you don't bother remember who people are unless they piss you off. That's what's different about Lemmy. I actually know and look forward to reading 2 people and only dread one so far. On reddit, I never knew who I was talking to unless it was a very niche sub.

[–] PlasticExistence@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

I make liberal use of blocking, even on Lemmy. Life is too short to dread seeing a user

[–] gandalf_der_13te@feddit.org 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)
  1. it's always important where you live, the internet is not gonna change that. eventually you need to seek out communities that are local to where you live.
  2. yeah check out the lemmy.blahaj.zone matrix space if you're into that
[–] schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 week ago

it’s always important where you live, the internet is not gonna change that. eventually you need to seek out communities that are local to where you live.

You sound like someone that lives in a densely populated area of people who also aren´t obsessed with raising children and going to church.

[–] ThePowerOfGeek@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

I think this is a really interesting question.

I've had a bit of luck on Discord getting to know people better, but only really on smaller and more well-managed/curated niche servers. And even then it's usually related to casual gaming where there are community projects of interactions.

I haven't had that anywhere else, with the exception of a subreddit I moderated years ago, where I'm still in contact with and chat to the other mods (even though most of us have either gone dormant in that community or left reddit altogether).

I don't really use Mastodon or Bluesky, and I don't think they are especially conducive to deeper connections. I've tried using Matrix a few times but I find the UI poor to the point of being nearly unusable. Stoat (a Discord alternative) looks promising but it's still a bit of a work in progress with a very limited userbase.

Where I HAVE had a lot of luck: local hobby communities I've got into. Stuff like casual sports or niche interests.

ETA: I'm not autistic myself, but I have some close family members who are, so this community is near and dear to my heart.

[–] acockworkorange@mander.xyz 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I agree re: Mastodon. It does allow you to follow people, which Lemmy lacks. But I've made deeper* connections here then there.

*still quite shallow, but I know a bit of their personal life, while in mastodon, not.

I think getting to know people requires unstructured chat and some sense of privacy (or at least not metaphorically shouting from the rooftops).

[–] schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Oh, hey, are you the guy that said you'd be my friend? I think maybe voyager let me note that, but the desktop does not.

[–] acockworkorange@mander.xyz 1 points 1 week ago

Not sure, but I'm game. You can never have too many friends and I certainly could use one. I remember us talking about jobs, friendship and diagnosis.

The note feature of Voyager is on the client, so it doesn't get syncd with other interfaces.

[–] HubertManne@piefed.social 4 points 1 week ago

casual mmos have people like me with little time who don't socialize much but many more folks for who the game is just a pretext to hang out. I actually totally want to hang out in them. If I were retired I would love to hang out all day on them.

[–] cheese_greater@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

Soulseek has a ton of topic-based chatrooms. I dont know if theres voice but theres usual chatroom type text chat

[–] bridgeenjoyer@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 week ago

I mean theres an autism matrix server and its fun but its a little dead there. I find the same issue. Discord is way over saturated and a bad platform. But its hard to get friends on irc or matrix