Without time, nothing can occur.

Let's see what Jesus said about heaven in Matthew 13:

The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field.

It's a metaphor where believers are the wheat and nonbelievers are the weeds. Both are allowed to grow, but only the wheat goes back to the farmer.

Later in the chapter, Jesus explains it explicitly:

40 “As the weeds are pulled up and burned in the fire, so it will be at the end of the age. 41 The Son of Man will send out his angels, and they will weed out of his kingdom everything that causes sin and all who do evil. 42 They will throw them into the blazing furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. 43 Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father. Whoever has ears, let them hear.

He tells a similar parable with fish instead of crops:

47 “Once again, the kingdom of heaven is like a net that was let down into the lake and caught all kinds of fish. 48 When it was full, the fishermen pulled it up on the shore. Then they sat down and collected the good fish in baskets, but threw the bad away. 49 This is how it will be at the end of the age. The angels will come and separate the wicked from the righteous 50 and throw them into the blazing furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Christian "love" hinges on threat of eternal punishment.

Then there are parables he doesn't explain:

31 He told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. 32 Though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches.”

33 He told them still another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like yeast that a woman took and mixed into about sixty pounds of flour until it worked all through the dough.”

44 “The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.

45 “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. 46 When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.

In Matthew 6, he emphasizes that you'll have eternal treasures in heaven:

19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Sounds materialistic.

Jesus gets way too much credit. He said some stupid, deadly bullshit. He was a liar and a hypocrite.

I think the whole concept has been completely warped from what Jesus actually said

Jesus made it sound like a pleasant vacation, a banquet, a feast.

The problem is that heaven collapses under the weight of eternity if you think about it (as you are doing). I don't think it's some kind of corruption or "going to a weird place" to reconcile the idea of an placid idyll with eternity; it's just a place things naturally go when you consider the implications.