this post was submitted on 05 Dec 2023
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[–] HikingVet@lemmy.ca 143 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Not to kink shame but is this some sort of cuckold thing I'm too asexual to understand?

[–] astanix@lemmy.world 112 points 2 years ago (7 children)

Nah, you aren't supposed to have sex before marriage.

They get around this by putting a penis in a vagina but not moving at all. Someone else jumps on the bed to cause the movement.

[–] sexy_peach@feddit.de 66 points 2 years ago (3 children)

They get around this by putting a penis in a vagina but not moving at all. Someone else jumps on the bed to cause the movement.

But like does a significant amount of people actually do this?

[–] zoostation@lemmy.world 75 points 2 years ago (1 children)

No, it was just a dumb hoax.

[–] half_built_pyramids@lemmy.world 44 points 2 years ago (5 children)

I knew guys who thought bjs and anal weren't sex, so jebus would still love them

[–] astanix@lemmy.world 16 points 2 years ago

I don't even know if this is something that actually happens or just internet rumors...

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[–] Kingofthezyx@lemm.ee 32 points 2 years ago

Mormon God: Damn, they got me.

[–] lowleveldata@programming.dev 19 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Are they fucking morons? Just use a horse riding machine

[–] _danny@lemmy.world 46 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (3 children)

Are they fucking morons

Close, they are mormons fucking

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[–] satans_crackpipe@lemmy.world 135 points 2 years ago (2 children)

If ya gotta jump through these hilarious hoops to not feel bad about fucking, can we at least optimize?

Can't you just soak and un-soak repeatedly? Is there a skill cool down that has to be respected to not make sky grandpa mad?

[–] 1847953620@lemmy.world 19 points 2 years ago (2 children)

sky gramps is into all of this already

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[–] MTK@lemmy.world 95 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (4 children)

Religion: God is all knowing, all seeing and wise.

Also religion: If you ask your friend to move you inside a vagina, god won't know you're fucking!

[–] Suspicious@lemmy.wtf 12 points 2 years ago (1 children)

God knows but you technically didn't break the rule

[–] Aaron@lemmy.nz 10 points 2 years ago

Some real "I tied a string to my friend's house so it's technically one house and I didn't travel there on the Sabbath" energy

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[–] Selmafudd@lemmy.world 90 points 2 years ago (3 children)

Sounds like a threesome with extra steps

[–] killeronthecorner@lemmy.world 68 points 2 years ago (2 children)
[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 36 points 2 years ago (1 children)

The lord is watching you sinners! (He didnt say stop)

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[–] Nahodyashka@lemmy.world 80 points 2 years ago (1 children)

As my Mormon friend said, God is like a T Rex, it can't see you if you don't move

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[–] 30p87@feddit.de 68 points 2 years ago (1 children)

What religion does to people.

[–] Xyre@lemmus.org 67 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Somehow god is all-knowing, but forgot to consider the loopholes.

[–] Maven@lemmy.sdf.org 77 points 2 years ago (14 children)

To be fair, that's pretty close to describing the Jewish faith. One fundamental tenet is that God put loopholes there on purpose, and it's the rabbis' duty to debate legalistically to extrapolate what he meant based on what he said. That's why they're called laws. (I was raised jewish, for the record)

One common one that most people have heard of by now since they went viral on youtube a couple years back, is eruvim. Since there's a bunch of rules around how much effort you're allowed to exert on the sabbath (e.g. you're not allowed to move anything from inside your house to outside, or to carry anything heavy more than about half a meter while outside), people hang a wire, called an eruv (plural eruvim), encircling an area ranging from a small neighbourhood to several city blocks to the entire island of Manhattan, proclaiming it to be one big "home", allowing practicing Jews to do anything they're only allowed to do at home, anywhere inside its area.

Another fun one that has a lot of ramifications is that we're not supposed to "start a fire" on sabbath, and rabbi have traditionally declared that turning something electrical on or off is "starting a fire". Because of this, jewish hospitals have elevators that run constantly between floors so people can just walk on without actually pushing a button and causing a circuit to close. Or lightbulbs; for the longest time, the "solution" was just to leave your lights on all saturday in case you needed them, or maybe spring for electronic timers, or just get your goyim buddy to come over and turn em on for you, but with the modern prevalence of LED bulbs, there's now jewish smart lights called "shabulbs" that have internal shutters which cover the LEDs without actually extingishing them, so you can turn it back "on" again without breaking the rules. Some places even sell ovens with a shabbat mode so they stay slightly warm all day and never turn all the way off, don't show the display screen, and don't turn on their internal lightbulb when you open them after sundown on friday! All this because there's a rule against starting fires.

Maybe I got a bit off topic, but my point is, In some ways you might say that finding loopholes in Abrahamic law is practicing religion lol

[–] 0x4E4F 24 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

All this because there's a rule against starting fires.

Shit... I though people over here were nuts... thank you for proving me wrong.

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[–] CarbonIceDragon@pawb.social 22 points 2 years ago (1 children)

didnt some religion have a concept where since they believe god infallible, any loophole in the rules must therefore be intended, possibly as a reward for the cleverness of finding it? I forget which one that was

[–] Uncle_Bagel@midwest.social 16 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Pretty common among Jewish scholars.

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[–] The_Vampire@lemmy.world 64 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Actual Ex-Mormon who attended BYU here: Soaking was never a thing, I have only ever heard about it on the internet or literally in the context of Mormons laughing about non-Mormons believing in Mormons doing such things (yeah, they're meta about it).

What is an actual thing is Mormons getting married super early (for a multitude of reasons, one being the horny). Easily over 70% of the students I knew were married by the time they were seniors in college.

[–] ExLisper@linux.community 47 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Sorry to break it to you but I also attented BYU and soaking was totally a thing, we just never invited you.

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[–] RealFknNito@lemmy.world 58 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] Lexam@lemmy.ca 10 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Every porn I have ever watched.

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[–] Rustmilian@lemmy.world 46 points 2 years ago (4 children)
[–] Jorgelino@lemmy.ml 23 points 2 years ago (7 children)
[–] driving_crooner@lemmy.eco.br 23 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (7 children)
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[–] RIP_Cheems@lemmy.world 13 points 2 years ago

Mormon - m + e = oreo

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[–] chellewalker@lemmy.ca 39 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I attended BYU-I in person for three years. There was a lot of dumb s### that happened there, but I can say with confidence this wasn't one of them. To not be a buzzkill though, I'll share an actual saying that people use around campus: "BYU I do." Because like 80-90% of students there expect to be married by the time they graduate.

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[–] words_number@programming.dev 39 points 2 years ago

Hahaha sometimes religious people are hilarious

[–] Asudox@lemmy.world 35 points 2 years ago
[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 29 points 2 years ago (5 children)

Wait, is this same logic why my fridge has a "Sabbath" setting? 🤦🏼‍♂️

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[–] Tsaot@lemmy.world 24 points 2 years ago (2 children)

I'm a Mormon, and this just can't be real. Sexual contact is sexual contact. How would people told to leave enough room for a Bible between them while dancing think that this would be okay?

I'm convinced this rumor exists just because people want it to be true.

[–] Crashumbc@lemmy.world 21 points 2 years ago
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[–] NarrativeBear@lemmy.world 23 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

There is a hilarious mockumentary called "Jury Duty (2023) where there is a scene like this.

Worth a watch, James Marsden is in the show as well.

Edit: Here's a link to the scene

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaTRKXtfv8Y

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[–] LoamImprovement@beehaw.org 23 points 2 years ago (1 children)
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[–] BaronDoggystyleVonWoof@lemmy.world 22 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Reminds me of some Muslim girls that only do anal so they stay a virgin.

[–] pigup@lemmy.world 21 points 2 years ago

Omg That's disgusting! Where?

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[–] BeefPiano@lemmy.world 19 points 2 years ago

It’s not actually a real thing. Maybe a couple (throuple?) horny Mormons did it, but its not like standard practice.

[–] RIP_Cheems@lemmy.world 13 points 2 years ago (2 children)

This. This is why the horny bat exists. To keep people from doing this.

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[–] JokeDeity@lemm.ee 12 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Is this real? I know mormans are an extremely insane sect of an already extremely insane way of life, but this just seems like a whole new level.

[–] CompN12@lemmy.frozeninferno.xyz 11 points 2 years ago (3 children)

Exmo here, I highly doubt it. There are rules against lesser forms of intamacy (petting), also this clearly violates the spirit of the law (of no premerital sex).

I could see it happening but any Mormon worth their salt would raise their eyebrow and deny it. This is on the level of holding a knife in the middle of a street and getting somebody to bump people into you, it's not murder, right?

If you wanna talk crazy let's talk about how you can figure out somebody's secret name if you know the first time they went through temple endowment. Or how bigfoot is technically canon.

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