this post was submitted on 30 Jan 2024
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chapotraphouse
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Dunk posts in general go in the_dunk_tank, not here
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He's 100% going to say some 
shit when this implant fails and the person who got it has some serious issues from it
"It appears the subject is now woke..."
Screaming about how the test subject was contaminated because they had been vaccinated
saving this for when you're right
Search+replace Monkey/Human in the statement about how the monkeys they picked were weak and near death anyway and probably died from other stuff.
The difference is in worlds like resident evil the logs are kept hidden because the corpo or megalomaniac doesn't want the world to know their secrets but irl Musk could give a fuck, he'll kill someone live on air and say "BAZINGA!"
There shouldn't be any living human beings willing to let Elon do this to them.
But I guess that's a problem that kind of takes care of itself.
Peter Gabriel’s “Shock the Monkey” playing in the background
I hope they remember to take out the lithium battery before it starts leaking/expanding/exploding
The lead surgeon:
He really pulls of the mad scientist look.
Or maybe Dr spaceman from 30 rock
Imagine being one of the doctors who performed this surgery. Like they had to know how sketchy this was.
I don't want it to just be the money that allowed those people to go through with this, but clearly it is.
I'm sitting here without a medical degree and I see all of the failed technology made by Bootleg Tony Stark and I would never dream of putting one of those things into another living creature. That no oversight committee has stepped in to stop this is a reflection of just how fucked up things are.
Capitalism makes monsters of us all.
Like they had to know how sketchy this was.
"Perhaps you need to find another surgeon for this procedure."
"Doctor, if you do the procedure - I have been authorized to offer you two Tesla Model X, Specials gratis. One for you and one for you husband. In your favorite colors."
"There is no Tesla Model X, Special."
"There is. We do not make that information public. If we sold them - they'd cost approximately $500,000 each."
"Hmm...."
I'm not in the medical field and don't really know how all that certification or licensing works but: I have to imagine this doctor was probably a lot like the guys who trained troops to resist interrogation that they eventually pulled to go work at Abu Gharib.
IE: This was a guy fucking desperate to do mad scientist unconstrained from ethical concerns who fucking leaped at the chance.
On one hand, this is absolutely inhumane and is going to get people killed. On the other hand, the people lining up to bazinga their brains are mostly going to be Musk-adoring techbros. Probably going to be a horror show, but at least it'll be kinda funny.
Was this even a volunteer? Or was it a prisoner?
It was almost certainly a disabled person, given Musk's stated goals and our history of doing medical experimentation on vulnerable people.
Yes the subject freaked out and killed several lab assistants while ranting like Robin Williams on speed, but that's just what progress looks like.
Lawnmower Man is becoming reality before our very eyes
Can't wait until the subject bites his fingers off
Vague post that could mean anything or be an outright lie
"Neuron spike detection" means literally nothing. But this is a promising one, though!
There was an old English series called Chimera in the mid 80s. Reminds me of that.
(actually just realised it was 1991)