Ask Lemmy

Her smartphone addiction is probably her worst feature but I'm a little conflicted about that aswell. She's not exactly doing anything wrong. It's me whose getting irritated by it. Who am I to demand her uninterrupted attention?

I consider people that are on their phones to be "unavailable". I often have things to say but I wait for her to put the phone away and usually I just forget what the thing even was. If I'm talking and she takes out the phone I stop talking mid sentence and she often doesn't even notice. We used to often just hang on the evenings, play some music and talk about what ever but I feel like I no longer can connect with her because her attention is on her phone. When one sits with no external stimulus your mind tends to come up with things to talk about to fight the boredom. When one has their phone in their hand this doesn't happen and the person becomes quite passive. It's often just me talking and I feel like she's not even listening.

I tolerated it for a long time as I tend to do. Then I mentioned about it to her several times and we talked about it but nothing really changed. I no longer bring it up. Otherwise our relationship is quite good and we're compatible but I hate this feature about her. In all fairness though it's not just her. My firends are the same, my family is the same. Hell last summer I was on our boat with my dad for a couple days and even he prefers to browse facebook while eating rather than talking with me. That's why I feel like I'm the problem and not them. If I just took out my phone like everyone else there wouldn't be this issue.

More importantly,

Are any of you single and willing to settle for someone unattractive, not too smart, and otherwise limited?

Asking for a friend.

I've enjoyed reading many of these comments and I wanted to expand a bit on the reason for the question.

Several friends of mine would camp for several days and do the kind of things guys do. Then we'd realize we're kind of gross, rude, not attractive, have a lot of shortcomings, and generally not full of great qualities. But, we've all been married a long time and will ask ourselves why in the hell did our wives agree to marry ugly, gross fools like us? We know why we married them; they're far better people than we are! My wife is obviously smarter than me and it isn't even a fair comparison.

In the end, I guess we make them laugh and are extremely wealthy.

I lied about the extremely wealthy part. I meant borderline poor.

(M.C. Ren: but what if she's ugly)

Eazy come Eazy go

-Eazy-E

Honestly though, in almost any person you can find beauty. Also in any person you can find ugliness. If you, consciously, focus on the beauty, that's what will fill your heart. If you let a bad mood, or self-sabotage, focus on ugliness, well, you'll see ugliness. If you are looking for a limitation, you'll find it.

I think this is a great question, could all the downvoters say why they are downvoting it?

I stay with my wife because she's a great person, she's not ugly but she's not beautiful and top ten either. She never wears makeup or dresses up unless its special occasions.

Looks fade personalty is forever

Every person has good and bad qualities. Things like attractiveness tend to be the first one that people look at, but there are so many more that matter. It all comes down to what matters to you.

For example, someone could be smart and intelligent, but have no interest in the types of things you are interested in. They could have different beliefs about politics and religion. They could have a totally different diet, making it difficult for you to cook one meal to share. They could just be awful with money, or their family might be too intrusive into your life. There are a ton of different things to consider in a relationship beyond the surface qualities of a person

My SO was traumatized by her religious upbringing. The effects of purity culture have left significant scars that make it practically impossible to be physically intimate. Short kisses, holding hands, and hugging are okay but any amount of nudity is over the line. She wants to be intimate and has been working with a therapist to get there but obvious markers of success aren't there yet. I knew all of this going in to our relationship or learned them pretty early.

Intentionally helping someone to heal from trauma in a relationship is an appealing concept to me. Being in a romantic relationship with someone I can't be physically intimate with has some unique problems beyond the problems I had as a single person but on balance out relationship is really good. We're forced to have really good communication fundamentals so we don't hurt each other with our conflicting needs. That helps us with tons of aspects of our relationship.

By far this is the most comfortable, enriching, and benefitial romantic relationships I've been in.

I think it would be uncanny if a partner didn't grow, age, and evolve with you and the world around you. Nothing seems to stay the same. While one dimension may fade away, others emerge. If you are lucky, you get to grow old. Daydreaming about starting over, trying something new, and feeling young again is natural. At least with current technology, it is mostly just daydreams.

Because we're 'Perfect for Each Other'.

My wife has gained roughly 60 kg since I meet her many years ago, which some might see as that kind of limitation, but you know, I don't even see that when I look at her. She is smart as fuck, a great engineer, a wonderful mother, and just overall the better half of me. It's just so easy to love her, and I would never even consider leaving her for looks. We all have our imperfections, but that's not to say we're not worthy of love. Oh yeah, I'm a terrible smart ass, overweight, impatient, not a great father, and I don't communicate very well. Beats me what she sees in me.

My wife has horrible taste in men. We made it work.

My significant other has quite significant limitations; she's limited to my fantasy world.