dysphoria stuff
I'm sad that I lost touch with people I knew, but part of me feels like it was necessary to even reach a point to consider that I'm trans.
In school, I had a support system. I had great friends, and people that I probably kinda took for granted.
But I thought I was straight, I thought I was cis. I was in a costume, and I played the part so well that nobody can look past the mask anymore. They're not thinking about me, they're remembering him. It's tough.
Feelings of dysphoria really bad the last couple of days. Making myself go buy a new outfit as a treat 🍭
Scared to shop for women's clothing 😬 But, like, wow, it's better in every imaginable way
Is it normal to spend years not reaching out because you thought your friends knew you were struggling with depression and gave up on you?
Is it normal to be so intimidated by people that it's hard to tell who actually wants to listen to you talk about your problems?
Is it normal to wish your friends would notice your absence and come looking for you and be willing to understand why you're struggling?
I think about the person I was when I left school. I was always there for my friends. I thought they would notice me like I noticed them. I thought when you're sad, your friends see you and ask what's wrong, stay and help.
Maybe I did this to myself. I just don't know how to undo it.
I don't know how to organically bring things up without being asked, but am also desperate to be asked about those things.
And also despise phone calls because I need to multitask, but inevitably get wrapped up in something that takes up more of my attention than the actual phone call.
I'm convinced that people who are good at conversations are wizards.
My manager likes to talk about Frozen III and how apparently they're having Elsa have a female love interest.
I genuinely have no idea if that's true, but it's mostly just an excuse for him to start talking like "I don't want my kid to see that kind of stuff" and coworkers agree with him. It's disheartening.
I'm on my way out in the next few months, but I think I'm wearing Pride stuff every day until I leave. I'm not out to these people, but I seriously have zero tolerance for those kinds of conversations 
RIP "Souna" ☹️
A legend for sure.
Learning about student loans now because nobody ever explained this stuff to me when I was in school is deeply distressing
Unrelated, does anybody else still have crippling social anxiety as a result of lockdowns? Idk if it's because I left school or other life shit but I don't know where to go or what to do, so I just haven't done anything. My friends all moved on. I feel no momentum.
I am intrinsically drawn to the pansexual colors 
Longtime lurker, occasional poster! Trying to come out of my shell because I'm starting to question my gender. I never felt like I fit the mold of "guy" and it's always something that I've had to try to do. I always felt awkward in all ways in school.
Lately, I'm really considering the possibility of being trans. I buy women's clothes, I try to talk and move in a slightly more feminine way. I was on a website and there was a page titled "I hope I'm trans" and seeing that in writing led to this moment of "Oh fish, I think I wish I were a girl!"
I'm trying to figure out who to talk to about these things. People in my life are pro-LGBT, but I'm just generally distant. Like, how to open up about this when I've just never been open. It's a challenge.
Truthfully, I go back and forth on if I even want to. If any of them were in the same area as me I'd be eager to have conversations in person. Part of me feels like they saw me caving in and left, so why would I chase them? Part of me feels like they'd want to know what I'm going through. But didn't they already know something was up??
It feels impossible.