God Awful Movies covered Boondock Saints a couple years back, and one of the hosts demanded to know who replaced the movie they loved in college with some intolerable horseshit.
mindbleach
joined 2 years ago
The sequels were all fanfiction. But they're all distinct kinds of fanfiction.
7 is written like the characters are also fans of the movies: Finn is shocked by hologram technology he'd see every day, people parrot lines that were once clever, the camera lingers on a broken astromech droid, et very cetera. The returning characters are living legends famed for their transformative effect on the whole galaxy but also haven't changed one iota since we last saw them.
8 is an anarchist deconstruction of Star Wars that somehow got turned into an actual Star Wars movie: a rebel soldier becomes disillusioned after her sister died for nothing, the good guy and bad guy agree the current conflict is a pointless sham, and details throughout scream that no mere organization could ever own the magic that belongs to all living beings. And then a surprise fourth act goes "whoops nevermind."
9 is a toddler telling a story: "and then... and then... but no he didn't?... and then..." It's like a child learned about fakeout deaths yesterday and expects it to be equally shocking every single time. Then the big battle needed to involve every toy in the toybox, especially the horses, because spaceships can't look up. At least in the end we got the Rey x Kylo connection it all built toward, and their kids are gonna be the most powerful nevermind.
Hey look, it's the thing that's going to tank all of his goodwill.
Lemmy's respect for copyright only in relation to the magic content robot is endlessly amusing.
I don't give a shit what public data gets shredded into a gigabyte of linear algebra. That process is transformative. If the result is any good at reproducing a specific input, you did it wrong.
This is going to transform Hollywood, in the sense that a forest is transformed by fire.
Some new ones:
Lending - the real way to make gold.
Dust - makes everything a little cleaner.
Lust - makes everything a lot dirtier.
Bare - put that back on.
Lightning Lute - lets bards play Dragonforce.
Lightning Lube - lets bards do other things.
Massage - see above.
Child Touch - why don't you have a seat over there.
Fire Colt - impractical to ride, but looks badass.
Fine Bolt - produces some excellent cloth.
Sopping Sting - material component: towel.
Cause Tear - material component: onion.
Thundercrap - makes everything a lot dirtier.
Compelled Duet - the bard ropes you into a musical.
Defect Magic - counterspell, but funnier.
Dog Cloud - oh gods, who fed him cheese?
Inflict Sounds - I cast tinnitus!
Wild Canning - preserves food.
Arr Bubble - everyone in range talks like a pirate.
Zine Of Truth - mimeographed to fight the man!
Animate Lead - it's just a gun.
Speak With Deaf - need your hands free.
Wall of Wafer - ineffective, but delicious.
Egg Whip - stiff peaks!
Heath Ward - man, fuck that guy.
Magic Bar - goes well with Tending.
Glyph of Carding - let's see some ID, "halfling."
Wine Walk - after hitting the Magic Bar.
Soul Cafe - much more relaxing.
Wash - finally, everything is clean.
Produce Blame - shift responsibility onto an adjacent player.
Beacon of Hose - keep any bards in range from doing the deed.
Flesh to Store - morbid way to buy and sell goods, far away from civilization.
Tiny Hat - purely cosmetic, but so worth it.
Mage Sand - sha-sha-sha!
Tree Strife - an off-color joke that will get you cancelled by the ents. Eventually.
Punburst - a barrage televisable jokes which might still get you killed.
Arcane Lick - you're lucky restraining orders haven't been invented yet.
Tire Shield - surprisingly effective.
Fund Steed - they're fucking expensive!
Revilify - shift responsibility onto any past target of Produce Blame.
Fare Storm - lawful neutral highway robbery.
Blank - counterspell for a scroll.
Knick - does minimal damage, but it really hurts!
Mass Peal - deafen nearby enemies with a cacophony of bells.
Bending - it's just Move Earth, but you get to pretend you know karate.
Spore the Dying - cordyceps infection technically is not necromancy.
Cull Lightning - increases rendering efficiency.
Dispel Gold - really pisses off the munchkins.
Wall of Firs - like Wall of Stone, but biodegradable.
Counterspill - put any liquid back into its container. Potions included.
He sounds like a cunt and this is still an intolerable travesty.
Public means public.
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That's right, all the way!