ncc21166

joined 3 months ago
[–] ncc21166@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Marathon runner and century cyclist here. You have no idea what tights do for the bulked legs. I go from quadzilla to thick thighs saving lives and it's glorious.

[–] ncc21166@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 1 week ago (3 children)

I wear them partly because they help me express the (locally, socially constructed) femininity that I feel. I also wear them partly because I have serious trouble tucking, and a flowy skirt is less of a problem than tights. Which is a shame, because my legs look fine in tights.

[–] ncc21166@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I just did my first "on my own and unsupervised" injection today. 5mg every 7 days of estradiol valerate. I had the same symptoms you did with spiro. It was difficult to be a distance runner but watching your garmin scream at you at mile 5 that your heart rate is over 190bpm.

I think you and I are dealing with the same trouble over dosing. 5mg/7 is just as bad as 4mg/7. I think the best would be 4mg/5days. https://transfemscience.org/misc/injectable-e2-simulator/ suggests your dosage spikes to 305-210pg/mL and troughs at 110-120. My dosage will spike to almost 380 with troughs at 140.

4mg/5 days results in a peak of 360pg/mL and a trough of 205-210. This feels like where it should be, since the peaks aren't approaching 400, and the troughs would be above 200 still. This should make absolutely certain to shut down testosterone production.

As it is, I am going for a consult to get an orchiectomy. I'm not confident they will allow me to alter the dosing anytime soon, and I don't want the effects of T ever again, for any reason.

[–] ncc21166@lemmy.blahaj.zone 16 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

I wish my body were feminine enough,

I am only 3 months into medical transition, after 40 years in an enormous male body. I went out to appointments and ran errands in femme clothes (high waisted pants and flowy tops are fabulous) without makeup or a wig. When it's your livelihood it's different, but I just stopped caring. My doctor, my brilliant neurologist, my dermatologist are all trans women and they are going to work every day as their real selves. Why shouldn't I?

[–] ncc21166@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 1 week ago

My spouse took me shopping this weekend! I followed her around the stores and she riffled through the racks while I made small gestures or comments. It's the little things that help the most early on, like having the right clothing! I started injection monotherapy last week and the physical changes kicked in. After going for a run I realized I have to wear sports bras now, so it helps a lot to actually have the right clothing. It's both a physical and mental necessity at this point. If I could get the insurance coverage for my electrolysis moving, I think I might actually be ready to start going out in public as myself for the first time ever.

[–] ncc21166@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 2 weeks ago

I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I really do wish universal healthcare was recognized as a human right for all and prioritized that way. Unfortunately, the Star Trek future I wish we'd get seems less likely every day. I will go to my grave holding on to hope, though!

[–] ncc21166@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

That's fair, and a lesson I'm still trying to internalize. The irony is that after so long in the closet, it's very difficult to be patient. I just see so much that needs to change and the longer it takes, the less likely it feels that things will end up representing the me on the inside.

 

When I decided to finally begin medical transition, I agonized over where to even begin. I had a post here about finding medical professionals, and I did finally find somewhere that seemed like a good fit for me! Opened somewhat recently; a local university and teaching hospital started a "pride clinic" that was supposed to be a safe space for people who needed care that may have needs outside of the realm hetero-normative and cis-gendered people. The staff is (as far as I can tell) all part of the LGBTQIA+ community, or at least allies. I like going to this clinic because I don't just feel tolerated; I feel welcome!

I started HRT a few months ago. I was excited for estradiol no matter what form it came in, but they went with their organization's "standard of care" that was spironolactone and estradiol oral tablets, and some finasteride thrown in because, well, I'm old enough for hair loss to be a thing. I asked them if we could discuss injection monotherapy, and got a reply of "Sure, after your 3 month blood work". Two months in, I had to have a second set of labs done because the anti-androgens were wreaking havoc. Dizziness, fainting, high heart rate, low blood pressure, and several other issues. While I was generally happier and able to actually feel and express all the emotions that I couldn't before, the mood swings were so strong and so spikey that even my spouse was commenting on them. I was also frustrated with the lack of any physical changes to speak of, out side of maybe my scent changing for the better.

I started to pester the clinic to change my mode of therapy. After seeing a cardiologist who actually agreed with my concerns, I finally had my teaching appointment for estradiol valerate recently. I am in such a better place now! I have no mood swings, though I still get to keep my range of emotions. There is less random dizziness and no fainting. The best part is that there are physical changes coming along with the rest within a week of starting the injections. The litany of medications I took every day are gone, and the only thing that remains is a small shot once a week.

I'm celebrating a bit here, but I'm also recalling all of this to tell you that if you need something from a doctor, remind them that it's your healthcare you're looking after. Take an active role in it, including reading up on the benefits and drawbacks of what you're after and why. Sometimes you need to be your own advocate. I also want to point out that I'm still going to the same clinic. They're wonderful people providing great care in an environment that I have yet to find anywhere else! But, they're doing the job for so many patients that they sometimes just have to follow the guide book. Your care is for you, so make it personal

[–] ncc21166@lemmy.blahaj.zone 18 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Welcome to the fold, sister! You'll find your situation isn't so rare, here. There's plenty of experience and resources around, and I share many of your concerns! I'm on my 3rd month of HRT in my 40's, also in the US, and also recently changed employers in the past year. It's difficult, but you CAN do it! You can start voice training anytime, and there's plenty of YouTube and some Discord/Matrix/Other places for practice and critiquing. You can also get 1:1 sessions online, or get local training from a speech pathologist, but find one that specializes in voice feminization! Makeup isn't as difficult as it seems, either. You can get lessons at some places like Ulta, and there are a lot of YouTube videos for this, as well! I personally recommend Stef Sanjati's videos, since she did this professionally and really digs into technique and explaining the reasoning behind what she does.

HRT is a pretty slow process, especially as your age increases. You can hide many of the effects for a while, too! Some of use start failing at boymode 6 months in, some are still able to pull it off up to two years in. Look into starting it sooner than later, because it's a big change, especially mentally, and it takes so long to affect anything!

Hang in there! I'm hoping things can be salvaged here in the land of the Freedom to be Told Not to Use Any Restroom, but I'm also thinking about backup plans, and looking for ways to organize. The more of us that are vocal, the better chance we have of being heard.

[–] ncc21166@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 2 weeks ago

I started making a big list with checkboxes on it. I added things like nicknames and "boymode" nicknames where they applied. Then I went down the list and checked off the ones I didn't really like that much. Then I started saying them out loud one night, and my spouse would just say "no" to them and those were checked off the list. I have two left, now. I'm still open to suggestions from others, and I am asking people when I come out if they have suggestions. The hard part is that both of the names I like are either my spouse's initials or my mother's, and I can't stand my mother. One day I'll make the choice final, but I'm trying one of them out now. The clinic and hospital network I use has a field in my profile for "preferred name" and they actually use it, so it's in there for now.

[–] ncc21166@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I know this struggle! I feel odd naming myself, but those close to me also refuse to offer a suggestion. They all say "that's too personal a thing for me to choose in your place" or "I'm already bad at naming things so, no". I suppose that I will have to hear it for the rest of my life, so I might as well like it!

[–] ncc21166@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Kathryn Janeway would go heft a phaser compression rifle, shoot down the FaceApp intruder, then go see her friendly neighborhood EMH about a hypospray full of estrogen. And maybe consider freezing materials for IVF later on.

Seriously though, those things lead you down the path of unrealistic expectations. Enjoy the journey to your own femininity. It's different for all of us, and no less valid because some awful "AI" code doesn't match up to the face you end up with.

[–] ncc21166@lemmy.blahaj.zone 13 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I had a week! I went to the salon with my spouse for their appointment, and chatted up the front desk and my usual stylist. I've been getting crew cuts with clippers here for 15 years. I told them I was transitioning and needed help growing out and styling and THEY. WERE. ECSTATIC! I spent almost an hour talking with everyone at the salon about hair, clothes, makeup, an upcoming pride festival, and just generally enjoying life as myself for once! What an affirming day :)

I followed that affirming day up with heart problems and a cardio visit that pointed the blame at anti-androgens, so I finally convinced my clinic to switch from spiro, finasteride, and oral E to EV injection monotherapy. I hope that stabilises my mood, accelarates my changes, and finally kicks the T to the curb. Otherwise I'm going to beg for orchi next.

I went for another run this weekend, and realized I finally had a physical body change. I also realized I needed to buy a running bra way sooner than I expected, because that HURT. I'm happy that my body is finally starting to change almost two months in to HRT, but I was not prepared. At least it was only a 5k. I cannot imagine what it would have been like if I had signed up for a half marathon this weekend. I might have gotten my first DNF if I had!

I also realize that I'm part of an extremely lucky small group of trans women. I have an absolutely loving and fantastic spouse that has been nothing but supportive through this entire process. They stand by me, cover for me when I need it (they even go with me and "pick out their own makeup" for me when we're shopping together!), and accept me for who I am. They're also not shy about calling me out when a style is a definite no for me. It's nice to be able to just cuddle up on the couch with our cats and enjoy some tea together. We've been together for a very long time, but I'm falling in love all over again!

 

I was wondering if anyone has advice or pointers for meeting up with transgender folx and allies in "meatspace". I see postings for events all the time, but they're either for youth (which is great, we need to protect trans kids and promote their growth and well being!), or they're mixers. I'm happily married, can't drink alcohol, and was never a "club" type of person. There doesn't seem to be much else other than support groups, and the one meeting I ever attended showed that I was certainly not the intended audience. In my hobbies, you don't meet people even though you're in a sea of them (running and cycling) and my job is fully remote and niche, so that's not really a mingle opportunity either. I feel like I'm overwhelming my spouse with conversation as soon as they get home from work. They've taken to calling it "pumpking spice" every time I do, in reference to the Last Week Tonight bit about pumpkin spice season taking over everything. I guess I'm just looking to find others to relate to and make some acquaintances, or even friends, of people who would actually understand me. In our age range, this feels like it's a very difficult thing to do.

 

It finally happened. I lost so much weight that my tungsten-carbide wedding band doesn't fit anymore. It's definitely a 'masculine' design and felt like a good idea at the time. But since that material can't be resized and all the add-on sizing options are still too big, I'm at a loss for what to do. My spouse and I are still absolutely happily married and intend to remain that way. If anything, I think we've grown closer since I came out! I don't want to simply discard something that means so much to us both. I was hoping to hold out on buying a new one until my transition got to a point to renew our vows with my new name (and in a gorgeous dress!) but I'm curious if anyone else has been through this before? I was considering a necklace to hold onto it until then. I was about to type that I didn't want others to get the wrong impression about us (me with no ring, my spouse with the engagement ring and the band) out together but then I realized we're likely going to get awkward looks for a while anyway.

So, what do others think? What have you done if you've reached this point? Am I overthinking this?

 

New to the community, but lurking for ever and stuck inside my egg for the past decade. I finally hit the wall where I was either going to come out or break down. So far, I'm super lucky to have a fantastic and understanding spouse who has my back, but that's literally the extent of my support network. I've always been pretty shy and impersonal, so I have a very tiny friend group. That said, I'm over 40 and can't wait to transition any longer. I just can't seem to find any physicians in my area that I don't think will either deny me care or treat me like I'm a liar. I'm fine with going straight to an endochrinoligist and signing an informed consent, but I really think I should see a therapist or counselor about some things I've been struggling with. I'm just having a difficult time of knowing who I can and can't trust, and I don't really have anyone around to ask. The only out transfem I know is a professional acquaintance and I'm way too scared to out myself to her yet. I've gone through most of the publicly available lists and tools for finding practitioners but they either don't take my insurance or don't cover my area. Does anyone have any advice on how to approach this? I want to get started so badly because I feel like I already missed out on so much of life as my true self, but the roadblock now seems to be that I can't even trust my family physician to know who I really am.

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