rothaine

Macoun may not be new and hip, but it's a solid, classic apple that deserves a higher score.

Most car accidents happen within a mile from home

...because that's where you're driving most often

I've heard a trendy thing now is to only label one present as from Santa, the rest are from Mom and Dad. That way kids don't find out there's a huge disparity when they go back to school

Where is the "burnt out on corporate BS and not sure if I even like coding anymore, I just want to retire and sell shit on Etsy, too bad everything costs money" phase

"Chon"

Big chongus?

// Hack the mainframe to skim pennies from ongoing transactions
async function addMoneyToMyBankAccount(dollarAmount: number): Promise<"success">

Alright let's go

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Long-term_nuclear_waste_warning_messages

places in oven

"Honey what's that awful smell?"

"Who knows. Probably the neighbor's leaf blower"

Five minutes go by

"It smells like cancer"

"Maybe they are sealcoating their driveway, I don't know, stop asking me"

Twenty five minutes later

Opens oven

"Fuck"

Retching, coughing "Sweet baby Jesus, what the FUCK is that?! Melted plastic? On my new casserole dish?!"

"Open a goddamn window"

"Open all the fucking windows"

"Mommy why is the house stinky"

"Charlie go play outside"

"But Daddy--"

"I SAID GO OUTSIDE CHARLIE"

from outside "Daddy it smells out here too, the neighbors are doing something black to their driveway"

If there is a war on Christmas, it's winning

This

Nah. Dr. Pepper is from the 1800s. I don't think women were allowed to be doctors back then, so Dr. Pepper being male is a fair assumption.

The USSR had great success in many areas

The PRC struggled during the Great Leap Forward

You seem to be papering over the part where a shit ton of their own people died, so I don't think this really works as a pitch. You'd need to find a way to ensure that mass death wouldn't happen again, and then succinctly express it.

Mao was only about 70% good

Anyone who does mass executions is a fucking monster. Probably better to leave this out of the pitch.