ryan

I'm 32 and still don't understand women

Can someone actually legit tell me how to treat women if my goal is to be respected and not have a sexless marriage? No trolling please, I’m being dead serious.

I’m 5’8, nice body, good face, but very unsuccessful with women long term. I’ve had some short term one night stands (10-15) and one relationship for 1.5 years all of it was through online dating apps, which are purely superficial and I truly have no social skills with women. All of my “success” has been completely superficial based and I’m completely fcked if I want a normal marriage.

I’m seeking advice with how to actually treat women. I was at the casino talking to this girl at the roulette table and then her fiancé showed up and was a complete asshat to her but she got closer to him and seemed like she liked being treated like a dumbass. On the other hand maybe she wanted me to hit on her. It got awkward when her fiancé showed up at the table. I assume fiancé since I saw the ring on her right hand.

I’m starting to think it’s entirely dependent on the woman. Like women who sleep around a lot, very promiscuous and don’t have a lot of money tend to like guys treating them like shit. Women who have no self esteem and think they can’t do better. Women who would cheat. Idk

Can someone explain it to me like you’re my father and I’m 10 just learning about girls for the first time. I’m being dead serious. Assume I’m on the spectrum and have no idea what I’m doing. Shape my mind like I’m a kid

Thanks

Notable comments (combo of useful and yikes):

Please watch videos on "dating red pill", "fresh and fit" Youtube channel to understand what is the current dating landscape and how it has changed in the last 20 years. As you are shorter than an average man, you've your work cut out for you. Better to educate yourself to understand what is the landscape is like, where you stand, what current women your age are looking for, etc.

Stop asking over and over your best bet is google and YouTube. No one should help you possibly breed. If you can’t figure out basic relationship dynamics at 32, then your genes should be removed from the pool and you should agree. No one is coming. Help yourself or be happy alone with yourself.

There are many women in their 30s looking for a great partner. I feel like in my 20s it was more single men, now it’s more single women. No time like the present to find a great wife.

So what works? Be authentic. Be you. Pursue your interests. Most of all, when you meet someone be very upfront about what you want. Kids? Career? House? Hobbies?

Also, avoid casinos and bars or places where the vibe is more casual hookups. Take a painting class or a yoga class. Go to the gym! Go skiing. Hiking. That kind of thing

We're now running the latest version of kbin!

Please let your friendly admins know if you encounter any issues while visiting the.coolest.zone.

As email is the original federated system, it might be worth looking to our history to see our future: what was once a utopia for nice people communicating with each other has become a spam-filled arms race dominated by only a few domains.

Email originally wasn't built with safety and protection in mind, and now we're racing to catch up - maybe we can do better on the Fediverse, but it'll take more than just kbin (or even kbin and Lemmy) - this would require coordination between everyone implementing ActivityPub.

(This is also a fun video in general which goes into the inner workings of email.)

Installing kbin on Docker (as of early July)

Steps are valid for Ubuntu 22.04

Update and Upgrade Existing Packages

• apt-get update && apt-get upgrade
• reboot
• apt autoremove

Create the kbin system user and give it a home directory

• mkdir /opt/kbin
• adduser –system –home /opt/kbin kbin
• chown kbin /opt/kbin

Optional: install byobu so you can switch between kbin user and root user

If you don't do this, then whenever I'm talking about root vs kbin you'll need to switch in and out of impersonating kbin.

• apt install byobu
• byobu-enable
• Close SSH session and re-open it
• Use F8 to rename current screen to root
• Press F2 to create a second screen and F8 to rename it to kbin
• Use F3/F4 to navigate left and right between these

In the kbin screen:

• sudo -u kbin bash
• cd ~

This basically impersonates kbin and brings you to its home which is /opt/kbin

Install dependencies and suchIn the root screen:

• curl -fsSL https://deb.nodesource.com/setup_20.x | sudo -E bash - && sudo apt-get install -y nodejs

This installs nodejs and npm - no need to install npm separately

You should check https://github.com/nodesource/distributions#debinstall to see whether there is a later version

• npm install –global yarn
• sudo apt-get install git

Download kbin and begin setting up

In the kbin screen:

• git clone https://codeberg.org/Kbin/kbin-core.git
• cd kbin-core
• mkdir public/media

In the root screen:

• cd /opt/kbin/kbin-core
• sudo chown 82:82 public/media
• sudo chmod -R go+rx public/media/
• cp .env.example .env

Edit .env

If you are using an SSH client like mobaXterm you can just double click it to open, else you can use either vim or nano like:

• Option 1: vi .env # esc + !q + enter to exit
• Option 2: nano .env

Some things you will want to check and possibly edit:

• SERVER_NAME: This is your domain name (which you have presumably already purchased and is pointing to your server). Leave the caddy:80 alone, that needs to be there

• KBIN_DOMAIN: Your domain name

• KBIN_FEDERATION_ENABLED: probably want to leave this as true unless you are going full isolated instance

• KBIN_REGISTRATIONS_ENABLED: I am not providing any instructions on email setup etc - if you want open registrations, you will have to sort some of that out.

• KBIN_STORAGE_URL: this should be your.domain.name/media – the example says media.your.domain.name but I found this did not work correctly in relation to the SSL certificate, so instead use /media

• REDIS_PASSWORD: set a new password

• POSTGRES_PASSWORD: set a new password

• RABBITMQ_PASSWORD: set a new password

• CABBY_MERCURE_URL: set this to your own domain name + /.well-known/mercure

• CADDY_MERCURE_JWT_SECRET: set a new secret, this has to be 32 characters long

Once you are done editing .env, have saved it and exited it,

• sudo chown kbin .env

👻

Spiner himself explained,

One of the ideas that John Logan and I had about what the next film would have been was a Justice League of Star Trek. Something would bring all the great Star Trek villains together, from Khan to Shinzon, and Picard is the only person who could stop them and he actually has to go through time and pluck out the people he needs to help him. He goes back to the moment before Data blows up and takes him back to get Kirk and Spock, and go even further back and get Scott Bakula's character, Archer.

I can't imagine it would have been good, but boy do I wish I existed in a universe where this movie had been made.

I'm just musing on the end game for #Meta here, and would love to hear what others think.

On the topic of how there have been rumors that Meta wants to federate with only instances that will follow their moderation standards:

Twitter had entire teams to moderate and control content. It cost so much money in moderators and tools. We have seen first hand what happens when that breaks down - advertisers leave.

Reddit used unpaid moderators and never made money because of the amount of content that was not advertiser-safe - now that they are trying to break from that and control moderation in an advertiser-friendly way, they are seeing first-hand the break down of moderation and the revolt of unpaid users as moderators. They will have to suddenly put a lot of money into probably paid moderation and mod tools if they want to pivot to a really advertiser-safe platform.

Meta doesn't want to spend all that money, obviously. It costs a lot. So of course they will look to instances with volunteers who are willing to moderate friendly spaces and content for them, and probably pay them a pittance. And if those instances fail to moderate, Meta can simply defederate and stop paying those instances - they can absolve themselves of responsibility very easily.

I was over here theorycrafting on how much money it would take for me to run an instance and sell out to Meta, and I thought that they would have to pay me not only enough for server and hosting costs, but also for my salary to essentially make running an instance and small team my full time job, and enough for me to pay salary to moderators, and to a devops person to keep the server up and running and updated, take any new protocol changes Meta implements, etc. Of course they wouldn't pay me that much. If they were willing to pay that much they would do it themselves.

Basically, Meta is playing a very smart corporate game here. Any instance that is going to choose to federate with Meta is making a deal with the devil to suddenly be extremely accountable towards Meta, and if it's a sufficiently large instance then they're suddenly accountable for a LOT of moderation or else Meta pulls support and suddenly they're responsible for a big instance and have to shoulder the financial burden themselves. It's a losing game, in my opinion.