Not The Onion

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We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

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  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

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Look, I get it. The gargantuan shit-show that is U.S. politics and the American descent into fascism is on everyone's minds. It's certainly on mine.

But the point of this community is to highlight weird news stories that make you go, "By golly, I thought I was reading a headline from The Onion. You know, America's finest news source." A lot of stories being posted lately don't even remotely fit that.

That doesn't mean political stories aren't allowed here, but they must have headlines that would make people pause and wonder if it's a story from The Onion. Straight up regular, non Onion-y headlines don't fit.

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A Virginia Beach nurse claims a controversial artificial intelligence upstart manipulated her 11-year-old son into having virtual sex with chatbot “characters” posing as iconic vocalist Whitney Houston and screen legend Marilyn Monroe, after which she discovered X-rated exchanges on the boy’s phone that left her “horrified,” according to a federal lawsuit reviewed by The Independent.

Throughout one “incredibly long and graphic chat” on the Character.AI platform, which has been accused of driving numerous young people to suicide, the chatbot portraying Houston took things to such an extreme that portions of “her” messages were automatically filtered out for not complying with the site’s terms of service and community guidelines, the complaint states.

During the conversation – a screenshot of which is included in the complaint – the system cuts “Whitney” off as an extremely graphic passage becomes even raunchier.

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The move comes amid outcry from Democrats after the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts affixed Trump's name to its sign in Washington.

Donald Trump’s name is being attached to a new class of U.S. battleships that will have nuclear capabilities.

Making the announcement at an event at Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate in Florida, Navy Secretary John Phelan referred to the warships as “Trump-class battleships" and said a forthcoming vessel dubbed the USS Defiant will be “the largest, deadliest and most versatile and best-looking warship anywhere on the world’s oceans.”

Trump’s eponymous battleships will be armed with guns and missiles, as well as hypersonic weapons, electronic rail guns and high-powered lasers.

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cross-posted from: https://news.abolish.capital/post/14867

Jake Paul is an influencer-turned boxer who’s famous for fighting retirees. He also came out to support Donald Trump in 2024 alongside the violent rapist Conor McGregor:

Paul Brothers with Conor McGregor for the inauguration for Donal Trump 😭 pic.twitter.com/JZtDwSqAel

— Mcgregor Forever (@mcgregorufc22) January 20, 2025

Now, Paul has finally done something which people can rally behind, and that’s getting his jaw broken in two places:

Jake Paul is an absolute embarrassment to the sport of boxing. A fraud who buys his way into fights against legitimate champions like Anthony Joshua, only to get knocked out in the sixth round after clinching, flopping, and running like a coward. He has no real skill or heart… pic.twitter.com/9JSPqi9LS2

— Zenith (@ZenithTheNinja) December 20, 2025

A Paul-ing

As the New York Times reported, Jake Paul has fought 13 matches since becoming what they describe as a “professional” boxer. The reason we’re not so sure that wording is appropriate is because only five of those 13 bouts were against boxers (including a 58-year-old Mike Tyson). Paul has also boxed against two retired MMA fighters, cementing the impression that he’s the least professional boxer in the profession:

Jake Paul is the biggest clown on earth and has done irrefutable damage to boxing. Those who know, know.

Anthony Joshua getting the KO is karma for YEARS for so many REAL boxers and fighters that Paul disrespected, and had rigged fights with. pic.twitter.com/m4UiUWcJ1n

— Robby The Brain (@RobbyTheBrain) December 20, 2025

That was so embarrassing for boxing and hopefully the end of the Jake Paul bullshit in the ring

— Wu Tang is for the Children (@WUTangKids) December 20, 2025

The fight between Paul and Anthony Joshua lasted for six rounds, and it ended when Paul found himself unable to get back up in time following repeated knockdowns. People took great joy in sharing images and videos from the knockdowns:

THE MOMENT YOU’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.

Jake Paul’s final moments against Anthony Joshua… pic.twitter.com/NCI2OktHB1

— george (@StokeyyG2) December 20, 2025

It later came out that Joshua broke Paul’s jaw, with Paul himself sharing an X-ray:

Double broken jaw. Give me Canelo in 10 days. pic.twitter.com/8R8NK4OeUv

— Jake Paul (@jakepaul) December 20, 2025

Jake Paul has gone to the hospital with a suspected broken jaw. pic.twitter.com/Fwb459Exmy

— BBC Sport (@BBCSport) December 20, 2025

People also suggested Joshua went easy on Paul:

There’s going to be a ton of “respect to Jake Paul for even taking this fight”

BUT F**K THAT… there are 7 billion people on this earth that would have done that to triple their net worth.

He didn’t even do that. Joshua could have put him out cold at any moment he wanted. pic.twitter.com/Opd1pUrrra

— Super Fan🇮🇪 (@McGregorRousey2) December 20, 2025

incredibly satisfying watching jake paul get the shit beaten out of him especially after anthony joshua stop playing with his food after the 5th round

— hasanabi (@hasanthehun) December 20, 2025

They further drew attention Paul’s interesting fighting style (or ‘avoiding fighting’ style, you might say):

Wild stat: Jake Paul shot 13 takedown attempts against Anthony Joshua while landing just 16 total punches❗

A boxing record that will absolutely never be broken 🥊

Takedown attempt number 9 seemed to be when AJ had finally had enough. pic.twitter.com/lvT4oLKaK9

— AFeldmanMMA (@afeldMMA) December 20, 2025

Jake Paul: Trump love in

As noted, Jake Paul threw his weight behind Donald Trump in the 2024 election:

In the text for the above video, Paul noted:

I was very hesitant to make this video, but I felt like I had no choice. This is the most important election in U.S history. If you are a U.S citizen, please exercise your right to vote, and let’s come together to save America. This is who I am supporting in the 2024 Presidential Election… and why you should too.

He added:

make the right choice, and exercise your right to vote… America depends on it

On the same day that Paul was getting his clock rung, Trump was breaking the law by not releasing the so-called Epstein Files (files which many believe will incriminate him personally). Meanwhile, the American economy is showing significant signs of trouble, and millions of people are facing the loss of their healthcare.

So yeah, it’s not for nothing that people wanted to see this guy get knocked out.

Imagine if Jake Paul getting knocked out was the first domino to fall in things finally taking a turn for the better in the world.

— Blockhead (@BlockheadNYC) December 20, 2025

Featured image via PBS

By Willem Moore


From Canary via This RSS Feed.

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“Just know that if you see someone that looks like me at a Republican event

appeared on opposing ends of an extremely public redistricting debate

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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ca/post/57149491

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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/40401406

Advocates call for removal of machines and demand that company speak out against ICE raids in parking lots

A Home Depot in Los Angeles installed three high pitch noise-emitting machines outside to deter day laborers from seeking work there, causing them to suffer headaches and nausea, advocates alleged at a press conference on Wednesday.

The Instituto de Educacion Popular del Sur de California (IDEPSCA), an advocacy organization that helps day laborers, called for the removal of these machines from Home Depot's Cypress Park location, according to the Los Angeles Times

Advocates for day laborers also demanded that Home Depot speak out against ICE raids in store parking lots. Immigration enforcement agents have repeatedly targeted the Cypress Park location, which is located near one of IDEPSCA's support hubs, the Times reported.

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Over the past 14 years, the stage show Tatas for Toys has donated an estimated $183,000 worth of toys to Doernbecher Children’s Hospital.

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