Autism

Is it time to go home? I really want to go home.

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I'm not sure if it's possible to be both, though. There's considerable overlap between the two conditions but in some ways they are the complete opposite.

Just have to stay awake.

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I go back on nights tonight for one more week. But I go back to my regular job next month, so there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

Four of seven pictured lounging. This room is mostly closed up now because of the freezing temperatures.

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wondering if anyone has resources to readup on this stuff, recently had an autistic burnout/breakdown type of event...just kind of wondering what all of my issues are autism related and how to manage them.

was apparently diagnosed with autism back in gradeschool when i was diagnosed with adhd, but my mother decided to keep that information from me so i could "grow up normal". which...i guess worked, cause i'm late 20's and had no clue until this whole breakdown thing happened, guess she was finally concerned enough to spill the beans.

Bert is settling in! I think I am mostly over my cold.

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Consider your favorite song. Now take away the words. Then take away the sound. What's left is a stream of feelings. That's the emotion-poetry-energy.

Turn up the volume to 11. A consciousness-consuming rush. Overwhelming.

React to the energy by hallucinating time, space, things, money, etc. Like inventing lyrics to go with a tune.

cross-posted from: https://piefed.blahaj.zone/c/womensstuff/p/454873/anyone-struggling-with-the-holidays-this-year

Anyone struggling with the holidays this year?

So I had my septoplasty today, and I admit it, the surgery wasn’t as bad as I expected it to be. Honestly, I barely remember anything about being in the OR, other than what it looked like. I don’t remember how I got put to sleep, I feel like maybe I wore a mask, but at the same time, can’t remember.

I do remember, however, how the recovery room was. I hate to say this, considering I usually hate being in the recovery room after surgery, but this time was absolutely wonderful. I woke up to realize that it was over (the best part), and on top of it, my nose didn’t even have stents in it! My nurse was wonderful and gave me medicine as I was sore and a little nauseous. Also TMI, She also helped me go to the bathroom, which has always been a big issue for me after anesthesia for some reason as I have always to. At first I actually asked her if she could insert a catheter because I had to go so bad, but she suggested I try something else first. Surprisingly, I actually did manage to relieve myself that time. After that, she and the other nurse told me to close my eyes for a while. I did, but never actually fell asleep. My ENT actually admitted to me that the deviation was worse than she thought, but I can already breathe so much better and am doing well overall.

Now onto the not so fun part, I’ve been bleeding quite a lot and have a really large blood clot in my nose (which I was told is normal, but I am not allowed to blow it out). I am also not able to rinse with nasal rinse until tomorrow. It is also very hard for me to eat and talk as I am sore and have blood dripping down my throat, but overall, I’m glad I got this surgery.

I am alive.

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I thought it was Thursday pretty much all day yesterday. Still have a cold. Dash decided to lay on my lap yesterday.

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So it is currently 1:30 am and I just cannot sleep. I’m getting a septoplasty tomorrow and that’s all I’ve been thinking about. I’m actually not as nervous now as I was before, but still worried about how everything will go.

Am I overreacting? Has anybody else felt like this the night before surgery?

Cold is in full force. Feel miserable.

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I am 24/7 alone, in a room.

I usually have bad dreams, or nightmares, sometimes I don't know if I had a bad dream or a nightmare.

I see humans in my dream it is usually bad dreams.. always is bad dreams. And ai like it because I miss socializing with humans. I talk with people online and recently I got banned from reddit, I don't know why qnd I apoealed many times.

it is the only social media platform I use to interact with people.

I am not okay, I might have MCI, that's the best answer I got from a neurologist, but I don't know, I wish if I could see another one. MCI is judt a general term that you have decline in cognition and memory. The doctor said it is just aging autism brain.

I am hated by everyone, and I get it.

I am very old (I ha e a rule not to share my age, to remain private) but I am unable to take care of myself, and I know one day I have to end my life.

To preserve dignity, it will look like an accident, but I am afraid of that day, I don't think I could do it.

Recently I thought I can't live this life, but as soon as I thought of death my stomach burned and I was terrified like when you see a wild animal

That fear was upsetting because I am scared of the process of death.

I started something new. I take sleeping pills this way the day passes by faster

Shdowbanning should be illegal.

I have a cold. I called in for the week.

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Had to chase a raccoon off the patio. I think I have a cold.

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