this post was submitted on 21 Aug 2024
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[–] TheMightyCanuck@sh.itjust.works 74 points 10 months ago (5 children)

If it's the uline jumbo rolls my work gets... Please don't.

Your asshole will thank me

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 63 points 10 months ago (6 children)

You just gotta keep using it until your anus naturally builds up callouses.

[–] TheMightyCanuck@sh.itjust.works 29 points 10 months ago

I rarely physically shudder from text

[–] bobs_monkey@lemm.ee 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I too try to only shit on company time

[–] blanketswithsmallpox@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago

They're called union shits around here. Even if you're not in one lol.

Also combine shitty to with expensive bidet. Best of both worlds.

[–] SynopsisTantilize@lemm.ee 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)

My wife keeps telling me that...

[–] ZoopZeZoop@lemmy.world 5 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Why? What is she planning for your anus that requires callouses? You should inquire. That sounds suspicious!

[–] SynopsisTantilize@lemm.ee 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Just know that she won't answer and I'm scared.

[–] ZoopZeZoop@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago

Do you need us to call someone for you?

[–] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 1 points 10 months ago

Sounds exciting!

[–] RoquetteQueen@sh.itjust.works 7 points 10 months ago

If you don't use a bidet, your butthole is already calloused. I learned this the first time I pooped in a normal toilet after getting my bidet.

[–] Empricorn@feddit.nl 2 points 10 months ago

What a terrible day to have eyes.

[–] Zoidsberg@lemmy.ca 2 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I think this is the worst thing I've ever read

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago

Thank you, and you're welcome.

[–] waz@lemmy.world 19 points 10 months ago

Is it the high gloss stuff, or the 80 grit option?

[–] henfredemars 10 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Does it flake like a French pastry?

[–] cocobean@sh.itjust.works 26 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I only wipe my ass with croissants to keep my cheeks buttery smooth

[–] Nfamwap@lemmy.world 18 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I'm fairly certain those words have never been uttered in that order in the entirety of human history. Bravo.

[–] Fermion@feddit.nl 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] bobs_monkey@lemm.ee 5 points 10 months ago

It's a terrible day for Canada, and therefore the world

[–] ZoopZeZoop@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

The toilet paper or his asscheeks?

My old work ordered everything from uline, and I started bringing in my own TP specifically because of how awful it is to use that tissue paper.

Legitimately feels like tissue paper that people stuff gift bags with.

But at the same time, almost slippery.

And you WILL know if you creased the paper the wrong way, because it WILL stab at you with the force of ten thousand teeny tiny needles.

[–] BarbecueCowboy@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago

Plus side, it's basically impossible to clog your toilet with that stuff. It's effectively pipe grease.