this post was submitted on 14 Sep 2025
532 points (88.3% liked)

Ask Lemmy

34942 readers
1472 users here now

A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions


Rules: (interactive)


1) Be nice and; have funDoxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them


2) All posts must end with a '?'This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?


3) No spamPlease do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.


4) NSFW is okay, within reasonJust remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com. NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].


5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions. If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.


6) No US Politics.
Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world or !askusa@discuss.online


Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.

Partnered Communities:

Tech Support

No Stupid Questions

You Should Know

Reddit

Jokes

Ask Ouija


Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu


founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

They shouldn't be able to do that!

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] FaceDeer@fedia.io 27 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Engagement is a two-way street. By blocking them you have stopped engaging with them.

The fact that you're upset by what other people are doing somewhere that you can't see and that doesn't affect you seems like a you problem, frankly. Just forget about them.

[–] PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca -4 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

This isn't about me, this is about what people from persecuted minorities have told me they need, when I bought this exact argument to them.

I used to say what you're saying them they described to be the harassment that they face

[–] FaceDeer@fedia.io 10 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

In that case substitute "they" for "you" in my comment. The meaning remains the same, as does my position.

[–] 5too@lemmy.world 8 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Ah... Would reporting them rather than blocking be more appropriate, then? I recognize reporting isn't always effective, but the right answer seems to be getting the community to police it rather than hiding your commentary from them.

And I recognize I'm speaking from a dearth of experience, here - this isn't something I've dealt with, so I'm genuinely asking!

[–] PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 1 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I'm generally trying to go off of a conversation I had with someone 2 years ago in lemmy. I was generally of the opposite opinion to my current stance, and they explained how the current "everything is public, dont even try to hide it from people" stance is problematic to persecuted minorities. It was 2 years ago so I'm a bit fuzzy on the details - I had to go look it up because someone didnt believe that the conversation even existed, but i didnt re-read the whole comment section.

their point was that, while total privacy in a federated service is likely impossible, you want to make it non-trivial for harassers to do harassment.

reporting is absolutely more appropriate than blocking, but blocking has a few advantages:

  1. its immediate, you dont need to wait for mods/admin.
  2. you don't need to prove to an admin that something that the harasser said about you is actually a lie.
  3. mods/admins don't need to be up-to-date on all the current dogwhistles
  4. it doesn't need to actually affect the harasser beyond you. they dont need to get banned from the whole community or instance, unless the community or instance feels like they should be. its lower impact. This is important for lemmy communities that represent real communities, like classes or teams or neighborhoods.
[–] michaelmrose@lemmy.world 4 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

If you can't see the replies how can you possibly be harassed by it?

[–] PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 1 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Because they can spread lies about me that I can't see, to people who come to engage with me.

Not everyone is a stranger, you can have communities for real world groups.

[–] michaelmrose@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago (1 children)

They can spread lies about you to those same people anyway. People who are just bad actors specifically ought to be banned from the community as a whole ideally. In reality not all bad behavior will rise to the level of banning and you will sometimes have to engage with people who are negative towards you if you want to counter their narrative.

[–] PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 1 points 1 week ago

Right, not all bad behavior rises to the level of banning. That's why I want to block. It's less than banning, but still let's me keep my own yard clear.

It's like... I'd rather people burn me in effigy down the street, rather than in my front yard, when I have guests over. I cant stop them, but can I at least make them do it away from me and my guests? We don't have to kick them out of the neighborhood or send them to prison, just let me kick them off my front yard.

[–] FishFace@lemmy.world 2 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

This isn’t about me, this is about what people from persecuted minorities have told me they need, when I bought this exact argument to them.

The same arguments apply, though.

Your version of blocking doesn't exactly handle the problem you're describing well, either, as someone wishing to spread hate or "off-screen harassment" can block their direct target which, under the model, will mean they can't see it, and then post.

[–] PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 1 points 1 week ago

To use a bit of hyperbole and a physical metaphor:

I can let them burn my effigy in my front yard, or I can force them to go burn it in their own neighborhood.
They're still burning the effigy and littering, but at least it's not outside my front door, scaring away all the people who come to visit me.

[–] FreedomAdvocate@lemmy.net.au -1 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

But they’re not being harassed because they can’t see it…..

[–] PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca -1 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

thats not the entire extent of harassment. harassment extends far beyond insulting someone to their face.

[–] FreedomAdvocate@lemmy.net.au 5 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

You can’t stop other people from badmouthing you behind your back. That’s just life. Accept it and move on. Trying to censor people because you don’t like what they’re saying is peak liberal fascism.

[–] PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca -3 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

here, let me link you to the paradox of tolerance, you absolute mudcake.

try learning something.

[–] FishFace@lemmy.world 4 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

The paradox of tolerance doesn't mean what you think it means.

The "paradox" is fully resolved if you have strong guarantees for the tolerance you care about: fundamental freedoms and equality, and punishments for those who attempt to subvert them. So you don't "tolerate" people who are in the process of dismantling that tolerance by advocating for or engaging directly in harassment of trans people (for example) but you also don't punish people who, for example, are opposed to trans women participating in womens' sports - because while equal participation ought to be a guaranteed matter of equality, we've also broadly agreed as a society that sports ought to be split, and the precise nature of that split is not a guaranteed matter of equality.

Applying this to Lemmy, there is no risk to tolerance in allowing a discussion about sex, gender and sports. There is a risk to tolerance in allowing a "discussion" in which trans people are generally disparaged on the basis of their transition, because it can lead to actions which go beyond mere speech.

To look at this another way, rather than linking a wikipedia page with a dumb insult and saying "try learning something", you'd be better off identifying the behaviour you don't want to see, what action you want to take about it, and why it's justified based on the consequences of not taking that action. "Tolerance" and "intolerance" are vague terms, so have a more productive discussion by being precise.

[–] PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 week ago

The "you care about" is doing a lot of heavy lifting there.

And while you're right, the guy is just a edgelord. Providing him with a nuanced and detailed take wasn't going to do anything.

[–] FreedomAdvocate@lemmy.net.au -3 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

lol ah the classic crybaby wannabe-fascist "paradox of tolerance" garbage. Just admit it, you can't handle people who have different beliefs and opinions to your own because you can't defend your own with any intelligence.

Classic leftist.

[–] PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 0 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Ah, the actual fascist "nobody deserves to be safe" garbage. Just adjust it, you want to use your own personal freedoms as a cludge to undermine the rights of others.

Classic libertarian

[–] FreedomAdvocate@lemmy.net.au 0 points 1 week ago (1 children)

the actual fascist “nobody deserves to be safe” garbage

Everybody deserves to be safe. What are you talking about? Someone badmouthing you behind your back doesn't make you "unsafe". Despite what you might try to pretend, words are NOT violence.

Just adjust it, you want to use your own personal freedoms as a cludge to undermine the rights of others.

How? What am I saying that even remotely hints at anything like this?

[–] PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 0 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I lampooned your own words to show you how stupid it sounded, not for you to take it seriously. Holy shit man.

[–] FreedomAdvocate@lemmy.net.au 0 points 1 week ago

No, you made yourself look stupid by saying stupid things that made no sense. What I said is perfectly clear and makes sense.