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Lemmings who made it out of incel-dom, what advice would you have to your previous self?
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this post was submitted on 22 Oct 2025
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Looks matter.
So you say that ugly people shouldn't be dating at all? So if look like a hipster and ugly, I shouldn't talk to a girl?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slippery_slope
Where did I say that?
You said "Looks matter", which I interpret it like this. You can ofcourse, tell us what you actually mean.
I can, but I prefer people that are more knowledgeable to do the talking.
Read On Ugliness edited by Umberto Eco . This book will explain my viewpoint better than I can ever do.
No, they really aren't. Self care however does matter, and confidence matters, but looks alone do not
You asked what advice I would give my past self, so I said it. You don't have to "high moral ground" me.
And look does in fact matter. To deny it is to be delusional.
I can 100% say that I and I believe most people here on this post are trying to help folks out. Anything beyond that is on you to interpret however you will.
I'll be vulnerable, I don't care. I was like you, I thought the same thing. I'm a paunchy guy who honestly hates looking at myself in the mirror. Early on I did not take great care of myself. I showered regularly but that was it. I never worked out, I shaved poorly, I didn't think about what I wore, all of that, and it's because I didn't care. What I didn't realize was that my feelings of not caring actually stemmed from a deeper place - that I was deeply unhappy with myself. Women don't care about looks, but they can definitely tell that you're unhappy, and your appearance is an obvious way that it shows.
So fast forward, I realized that and I started working out. I can't say I hit the gym, but I just started taking care of myself. Emotionally, physically. I had to leave that headspace. I'm still paunchy, I'll always deal with my weight and I'll never be happy with my appearance, but I got out of that dark place I was in, and immediately my prospects turned around. If you start dealing with some of that emotional stuff then you kind of start feeling better about yourself in general, which people pick up on very quickly. There's no magic "buy new clothes" or "hit the gym" because it's all in your head, it'll be up to you to figure out what needs to happen. So I'm telling you, as someone who was there - it's not about the looks, it's about how you feel about yourself. From your comment, I'd wager you aren't so different from how I was, and so it truly comes from a place of empathy, ask yourself if you're happy with yourself, and if not, why? It's not easy, it's far from easy, but just acknowledging some of that did wonders for me. It's a long road but a very positive one.
Damn that's crazy bro
Looks matter. It is naive to think they don't.
Being showered and groomed increases your chances to get a date. It's not rocket science.
To some maybe, but anyone who is that focused on looks isn't worth your time, just like you shouldn't be focused on looks either. All conventions say that I "married out of my league", but it just gets so much easier when you drop all that crap and just start talking to people ignoring all of that. So I'll amend it to "The ones who are worth pursuing don't care about looks". Granted, the younger you are the harder it is for you to see because you are waiting for your world to expand and find new people.
You can keep downvoting me all you want, it doesn't make what I said untrue. You don't even have to believe me, I don't care, look at all of the other people in this post who came to the same conclusions and it worked for them too. I guarantee the vast majority of people here are not supermodels.
Lack of self care leads to looking like shit.
Which I won't say is unattractive, but someone who takes care of themselves is much more attractive. That can mean working out, it can also mean just making sure you don't look like you've completely given up every day you walk out the door.
Right, that's pretty unattractive.