WomensStuff

I've had these same thoughts, my biggest fear. I did end up having one kid, unplanned. The first few years, I absolutely made mistakes. I still cannot believe how quick my temper could be in that time. I had to face that very thought, "am I turning into my mother?" Especially those first few years. So much was brought up from my own childhood, especially in the first 5 years of the kid's life, but it still happens today occasionally. I had a panic attack when he entered middle school, I had to work out it's because that's the age I was when my home life went from bad to worse and I stopped being cared for. I had panic attack a full month until I figured out why.

I now, and have been, going to therapy nearly every week (for years) to support myself in being a mother so the same mistakes don't happen. I heard often when I was new to being a parent, "the fact you're asking if you're good enough,or doing well enough as a mom, shows that you care, and are on the right path". Basically framing the self doubt in this area as a positive trait. Caring enough to do the introspection into your parenting skill, is more than what I bet many of our (abusive) parents did. If you want to do better, you will. I'm not endorsing children one way or the other, but push to shove, you'd probably do the right thing if your able to ask yourself these types of questions.

To note, apologizing to your children for mistakes (and backing it up with changed behavior) goes a very long way, establishing trust is vital from my experience anyway. Seeing how easy it was to love my child proper, was absolutely the last staw before I cut my mother off completely. None of her choices made sense to me once I had a child of my own.