WomensStuff

I do not have kids and it took me a while to realize I didn't want them. I was severely abused growing up and I had to assume the role of mother for my two siblings that are 8 and 11 years younger than me. I was expected to be a mother so I wasn't allowed to have an education. I didn't actively dream about having kids it was just an assumed thing for me based on my to upbringing.

My mom taught me that I should strive to get attention and approval from men so I latched onto the first guy that gave it to me. Luckily he's amazing and we've been together for 23 years and married for 18. He never once tried to force children on me, he would have had them with me if I wanted them. I think he secretly didn't want kids but was too afraid to admit it.

I did become pregnant 3 years into our marriage and I had a literal mental breakdown over it. So bad that he immediately helped me get an abortion. This was a huge thing because he was raised to be extremely religious and an abortion is basically murder to them. From that day we formally agreed that we'll never have children and we have been very happy with that decision.

As I am creeping up to the point of no return in regards to fertility I do sometimes wonder if I made the right decision. Sometimes I wish I got to experience pregnancy but I know it's a fomo feeling or possibly instinctual. My body was created to have babies and I kind of want to know what it's like but I know I don't want the outcome. All of my friends have kids and I've witnessed their pregnancies so it makes sense I'd feel like this.

In the end I feel zero regrets no matter what my biological instincts whisper into my ear. I get to live my best life and care for animals instead of humans. I am not beholden to anyone but my sweet husband and I'd never have it any other way. I have single handheldly broken the chain of generational trauma in my bloodline. My siblings are also child free and I take credt for my influence on that 😈

I didn't want children because I didn't have good parents growing up and was abused severely. The world is fucked up, I remember being so angry my parents brought me into the world just to abandon me in my earliest years. Even the adult who became my guardian was shit. I never saw healthy love as a kid, and again, even if I had something to give, the world is so fucked, there's so much pain and suffering from our own human hands, we don't need more people. I didn't want to pass my suffering on, and I've always known I'd never be anything but working poor to top it off.

Anyhoo, history repeats, and I found my self in a DV situation in my mid 20s. Three years and a (forced) baby to get out. I raised him on my own from birth to 6, when I met my life partner and we've been a healthy family since. I don't regret having my son, I do regret giving his father my phone number that day, but we can't change this. I've dedicated my life to making sure my one child will be willed enough, strong enough, and supported enough to get through whatever may come. I don't live for me anymore, it's own challenge some days, but I live to secure my son as a stable adult human who feels supported, humble yet confident, curious and empathetic. Among other values. I'm trying to give him what my child hood lacked. I'm pretty proud of my son these days. He's many mental health afflictions (the main reason I wasn't supposed to have children), no different the the rest of our bloodlines, but with early intervention, I think he's a fighting chance to have the capability to find joy amongst the misery that is being human.

Maternal instincts make me want to have kids I guess, but I want to be a positive influence and figure in others' lives. If I could help a child grow up well, I would be very happy.

Since my girlfriend and I can't have biological children, I've been looking into becoming foster parents. I think that's still a few years away from doing it seriously since we would want to move to a more stable place (i.e. not renting)

children? in this economy?

I always knew I didn't want to be a mother. I don't want the responsibility and I don't enjoy kids. I make an effort for my nephews & niece but it just doesn't come naturally to me.

I was never really motivated one way or the other. When I was younger, I had a few names on a list I thought would be cute. As I got older and more established, I stopped caring if I would have kids. Then when I was 29, I was in a near fatal car crash and broke my back. That kind of solidified no kids for me, I already get enough frustration from my spinal fusion, I don’t want to add birthing a child to that. I can always volunteer somewhere if I want, plus my neighbors, cousins, and friends all have plenty of kids for me to be around.

So now, my partner and I are happy bunny parents :)

Wife doesn't want kids, and I didn't want them enough to give up on an absolute catch and jump through all the hoops it would've taken to have them.

If I could do so physically: because I'd like to experience the 'journey' of carrying myself. But ignoring that incapability, it is also because I want to learn more about life and to foster a new generation. It's a bit circular, but maybe that's my mind.

My family suffers from generations of inherited trauma and mental illness, I don't want to pass it on. Basically I don't believe I've healed enough, or that I'm immune from perpetuating that harm.

And I can't reasonably afford it. If I had a child, I would want to be in a much better place financially so they will have the best possible future. This means I would want to have the money to guarantee them access to transportation, education, healthcare, healthy food, etc. - I have failed to ensure those things for myself, how can I provide them for another person?

I'm barely keeping myself alive, I can't fathom being responsible for an entire other human.

Once I've got my shit more together? Sure, I'd love to be a mom, that's why I got my swimmers frozen before starting hormones

I made a considered choice at 16 to not have children. Entirely for selfish reasons at the time. I just never saw any reason, after watching my classmates and friends and such get married and/or have children, to procreate myself at any point thereafter.

I work better as "that crazy auntie" (even if the "auntie" in question is a family friend, not a blood aunt). People (family or otherwise) gladly hand off their children to me (because I genuinely like children) when they get frazzled, overworked, or need a vacation from the brats. And I just as gladly hand them back at the end (slightly twisted).

But if I had my own and had to deal with them 24×7, that joy I have when dealing with children would vanish.

I’ll start,

I don’t have kids and I got my tubes tied when I was 27 so that wouldn’t happen.

I was raised like crap, and have zero maternal instinct. I chose not to reproduce because my mother should have made that choice but didn’t and I know how that turns out. I’m no more maternal than she was.

She tried to avoid kids, and managed until she was 32, which says a LOT about what she wanted (as a woman born in the 50s, raised catholic, and who went to catholic school for her whole education, including college), but my dad came home from a business trip and forced the situation (religion was involved, I feel for her) so she had my older sibling.. and they chose to have me to be a companion… that didn’t work; my sibling and I have not spoken in almost 20 years..

My sibling doesn’t know, and I don’t plan to tell them (mother died shortly before we stopped talking and was the catalyst).. they and my mother never got along.. probably for a reason on mother’s end..

I have kids. It always sounded fun and interesting to have kids. But I had non negotiable bucket list to complete before trying. I was able to accomplish what I wanted in my career, travel to a few places, be financially stable, and find a partner that I wanted to build a family with. It took a lot of work to do all those things. I didn’t do those things so I could have kids, I did them for me. But accomplishing it all lead me to feel stable enough to care for children.

I had decided I didn't want kids pretty early on. I am a pretty lazy person and I don't want to have that kind of responsibility. I'd rather devote my time to my hobbies. But that combined with global warming, the political climate getting worse (even 10 years ago), and the financial climate getting worse - all those combined made me say No with certainty.

And then I got chronically sick and was told that getting pregnant would kill me. So that makes it much easier to give an answer to pushy middle age people who expect children from any mildly level headed women.

That all being said, I do wish I had a niece or nephew I could do fun science experiments with or go catch bugs or identify mushrooms. Y'know, druid aunty things. But neither of my siblings want/can have children either. The bloodline ends with us.

No children. So many reasons.

I have zero maternal instinct. I have no idea how to talk to children, it's actually really funny. Give me an animal and I instinctively can care for it, intuit its needs, communicate with it, etc, but throw a baby or a small human at me and I'm like "what do I do with this thing and how do I talk to it?"

I also have ADHD that wasn't diagnosed until my 30s and am so far behind my peers in life. I deal with the depression, anxiety, and shame that go along with that. I struggle to take care of myself, specifically when it comes to food and healthy eating habits. For some reason preparing food and eating itself just really annoys me and I've gone several days forgetting to eat before realizing the reason I feel like shit is because I haven't eaten. The thought of having to plan and prepare meals for a child multiple times a day for years sounds like hell.

I also get sensory overload very easily. I absolutely love cuddling and being touched and honestly crave it, but there's also a switch in my had that will just shut off and I need to be able to be like no that's enough no more. I can do that with an adult, but if that was my child that would be incredibly hurtful to them in a lifelong way. I wouldn't want my child to have lifelong scars remembering that their mother pushed them away and wouldn't cuddle with them. I also hate loud noises, especially normal children noises.

I had an abusive childhood and I truly don't know what being a good parent looks like or discipline that isn't abuse. There's also financial reasons and selfish reasons. I like being free to do whatever I want whenever I want. I'm an introvert and I work in healthcare, so I spend long hours being "on" and when I come home I like to just be able to crash and not have the responsibility of caring for another person.

I've never had the urge to have a child, and that's good, because I would want to be a good mother but I truly wouldn't be. As the child of a mother who never wanted me and did her best to pretend but was abusive, it would kill me to know that I fucked up and left lifelong scars on another child. I'm in my 30s and still have nightmares about my mother and I would rather die than inflict any of that on someone else. But I'm very single and don't see that changing anytime soon and thankfully I also was able to get surgically sterilized so I don't ever have to worry about it.

All work would have fallen to me and I'm just not physically or mentally capable of that. My husband has cerebral palsy. This makes taking care of a baby very difficult. He's also older than me by quite a bit. I'm already going to have to take care of him as he ages. I can't deal with both ends of this at the same time, child and elderly care. I know what I signed up for when I met him, a child I do not know the problems it could have until its too late.

I don't want to change my life to revolve around someone else.

I just didn't think I would be a good mother. Plus, my family was kind of messed up and I didn't want to foist our particular brand of insanity onto another generation.

There was no motivation, there was an accident, the best accident in my life.