I hope this is okay to post here. My (F) relationship with my wife (F) is wonderful except for household issues. The thing I want to talk/vent about here is me trying to cook meals for the past two years while navigating our incompatible palates.
I gave up being a vegetarian when I moved in with her, because she doesn't like most vegetables or any mock meats, so chicken unlocked a rare protein that we agree on beyond just eating bean burritos every day. She doesn't eat as much beef as she used to, so I wasn't the only person who gave things up.
She would probably be happy eating scrambled eggs without any sides or fast food for dinner every day, and I need something more nutritionally balanced to feel nourished. So I'm the one who cooks every day.
We've tried compromising every which way, coming up with new meal plans, researching recipes for hours, and I feel like I've made hundreds of meals she's disliked. It feels like she only likes my cooking when it's unhealthy and lacks vegetables, which is great sometimes, but not every day. It's really gotten to me, and I've lost my love of cooking and my self-confidence in the kitchen. Most of all, I'm extremely stressed out about dinner every night.
We're at the point where we're talking about making our own meals, other than a few of my less-than-healthy comfort food recipes she likes. It's probably the most harmonious way to live, but the idea has me feeling really sad because cooking for others is a love language, and I learned to do this in the first place because I always dreamed of cooking for whoever I ended up marrying.
TL;DR My wife and I can't agree on meals we both like. I do all the cooking in the relationship, but now we're talking about making separate dinners. This is painful because cooking for others is a love language and I feel like I've failed.
Update: I really appreciate all the kind words and advice. I definitely don't plan to make it a habit to use this community as a space to vent, but you're all wonderful and I appreciate you. 😃
I have to cook two meals sometimes to make sure everyone is happy. I'm not that picky, but more picky than my husband, he's "given up" some stuff, because I do the cooking. For example, our taco nights never have sour cream, because I don't like it so I never think to buy it. Also, we never have fish, but sometimes I'll pick him up a fisherman's platter.
On the flip side. I am the same, food is my love language. I want my partner to enjoy the meals I make. I once dated a fella who ordered chicken tenders at a Mexican restaurant, and while this wasn't the only reason I broke up with him, it helped me realize I need a partner who enjoys eating all kinds of foods, and isn't afraid to try new things.
I don't envy your position. Separate meals sounds like the logical compromise. You can still cook for them within their palate, and still get the meals you like too. Does your wife like spaghetti or pasta dishes? I know with having a picky kid, you can sneak all kinds of veggies into pasta sauce. I'm not wholly against sneaking in stuff they don't think they like into stuff they do like. Oh the power of an immersion blender. But that's your call to make. I wish you luck trying to find an solution
Thank you for sharing your experience. I'd react similarly with your Mexican restaurant story lol.
And it's not all bad. My wife and I have our weekly date nights where we can still share culinary experiences together. She likes trying new things and likes lots of regions of food -- just not very many veggies. And she gets to decide what she wants to eat, and not everyone wants to or has to be a healthy eater. I'm happy I can still make comfort foods she wants.
It's not exactly how I envisioned things, and I'll just have to find a way to be okay with that, because this isn't a deal-breaker and things are great in so many other ways. But I can still be there to make her meals part-time, and I'm more free to make myself the foods I like. I haven't had mushrooms or tofu at home in a long time. Lose some things, gain others.
That seems like a great way to reframe it :)
Are there any veggies/fruits that trigger her desires?
How is she on avocado? Nuts? Things that are nicely browned? Deep fried zucchini?
Are there any tricks that work like 'anything with parmesan on top', 'wrapped in rice and seaweed' etc?
Have you tried cultures with differently organized palettes, like vietnamese food?
And mostly unrelated but potentially fun to answer: what's your most food-porn dish?
Just a mini tip, I replaced sour cream with Greek yoghurt, on my tacos (and for everything similar) because I'm not able to tolerate cream, and it's amazing.
I've a whole thing with dairy, If it's white and creamy (lmao) I don't like it
A good tip none the less :)