this post was submitted on 13 Jan 2026
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Respect, it sounds terrible.
If I might ask, what would make it an asshole move to call it brave for speaking up? That surprised me a bit. Is there an underlying assumption of, "yeah if only you did that sooner, weak" or is it belittling, something like that?
I tried to speak out about our abuse from my S.father multiple times before I had solid evidence. I went to my "family" first. Each time I was told, "your father does so much for you, I don't understand why you're doing this to him". I don't think they understood, or cared, how bad the covert abuse was.
When I had hard evidence, I didn't go to family, I told the school counselor. When investigated later that day, luckily, my step father broke down and told the cops everything, he admitted what I was saying was true, and arrested him. This family I had, became my first foster home. I was told I was brave for weeks. It was condescendingly so. At the time, I didn't understand why them calling me brave felt so wrong, and could only explain it to myself that it didn't feel like bravery, just duty to keep my younger siblings safe. Years later, I realized its the same feeling of for example (which I also have personal expierence with) when a larger girl wears a short or revealing outfit, and she's called brave. It's condescending as hell. It's a veiled threat almost like, "you shouldn't have done this" People don't like their family skeletons aired out, so they call you brave for doing so.
I'm not brave because you (they) are a coward.
Context matters heavily, maybe someone could mean it in a nice way. I don't remember the counselor calling me brave as she supported me through the tears that day, but she did tell me I was strong.