He never hit me.
I wish he would have, I could have made a cleaner exit.
"Why are you wearing makeup to the grocery store?"
"Why can't I come with you to the job interview?"
"What do you know about loyalty? Your family is so fucked you don't know what love is"
"I don't have a phone, can we share yours? Oh you want to take it with you to work? Why, you don't need it there, who are you talking to?"
Fighting over nothing: "I need to take a walk because I'm so disregulated, we can come back to this conversation when I'm calm" :Blocks doorway and corners me: "See you have no loyalty you always try to leave when things get tough, I thought you said you were brave, why are you always trying to run away?"
(This day, I managed to allude him, he tore my t-shirt trying to hold me back, I got to the street, and he followed me, then chased me, as I ran from him, he chased me, calling out, "see, you're crazy! Who does this!" You're not normal!")
It's exhausting. I got away 11 years ago, yet the memories are seared into my brain.
My step father used to also take the house phone with him to work so us kids didn't have a way to call for help or reach out to anyone. Just take the house phone and put it in his glovebox, leave all day for work with us preteens home, with no phone for emergencies even.