this post was submitted on 13 Jan 2026
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He never hit me.
I wish he would have, I could have made a cleaner exit.
"Why are you wearing makeup to the grocery store?"
"Why can't I come with you to the job interview?"
"What do you know about loyalty? Your family is so fucked you don't know what love is"
"I don't have a phone, can we share yours? Oh you want to take it with you to work? Why, you don't need it there, who are you talking to?"
Fighting over nothing: "I need to take a walk because I'm so disregulated, we can come back to this conversation when I'm calm" :Blocks doorway and corners me: "See you have no loyalty you always try to leave when things get tough, I thought you said you were brave, why are you always trying to run away?"
(This day, I managed to allude him, he tore my t-shirt trying to hold me back, I got to the street, and he followed me, then chased me, as I ran from him, he chased me, calling out, "see, you're crazy! Who does this!" You're not normal!")
It's exhausting. I got away 11 years ago, yet the memories are seared into my brain.
My step father used to also take the house phone with him to work so us kids didn't have a way to call for help or reach out to anyone. Just take the house phone and put it in his glovebox, leave all day for work with us preteens home, with no phone for emergencies even.
This brings back memories of one of my exes.
Sorry you had to go through that. If I could give you a hug I would
I'm sorry that happened to you and I'm glad that you survived. That kind of abuse is so hard to name, and so hard to explain to others how horrendous it is. You did amazing seeing what it was
I was lucky to get out after only three years. I know women stuck for decades. It's not easy, I've empathy for anyone going through it.
If anyone reads this, and needs to talk, feel free to reach out to me, I mean it from the bottom of my heart, I can lend an ear for support always.
Also, I'm the reason my step father went to prison for his crimes. Speak up, speak loud, and ignore the assholes who call you "brave" for doing as such.
Love seeing survivors support others ❤️
Respect, it sounds terrible.
If I might ask, what would make it an asshole move to call it brave for speaking up? That surprised me a bit. Is there an underlying assumption of, "yeah if only you did that sooner, weak" or is it belittling, something like that?
I tried to speak out about our abuse from my S.father multiple times before I had solid evidence. I went to my "family" first. Each time I was told, "your father does so much for you, I don't understand why you're doing this to him". I don't think they understood, or cared, how bad the covert abuse was.
When I had hard evidence, I didn't go to family, I told the school counselor. When investigated later that day, luckily, my step father broke down and told the cops everything, he admitted what I was saying was true, and arrested him. This family I had, became my first foster home. I was told I was brave for weeks. It was condescendingly so. At the time, I didn't understand why them calling me brave felt so wrong, and could only explain it to myself that it didn't feel like bravery, just duty to keep my younger siblings safe. Years later, I realized its the same feeling of for example (which I also have personal expierence with) when a larger girl wears a short or revealing outfit, and she's called brave. It's condescending as hell. It's a veiled threat almost like, "you shouldn't have done this" People don't like their family skeletons aired out, so they call you brave for doing so.
I'm not brave because you (they) are a coward.
Context matters heavily, maybe someone could mean it in a nice way. I don't remember the counselor calling me brave as she supported me through the tears that day, but she did tell me I was strong.